To go along with my post "Short Hair - Part Two"
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| Short curly hair after chemo |
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| Short wavy hair |
Showing posts with label hair. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hair. Show all posts
Wednesday, 23 September 2015
Sunday, 13 September 2015
Short Hair - Part Two
Hair or the lack thereof is an expression of our individuality. When I was undergoing chemotherapy and my hair began to fall out I found it very traumatic. When I had finished my chemo treatments and the hair began to grow again I longed for it to grow quickly so I would look like me again. My hair grew back curly and then the curls softened into waves when my hair grew longer. I recently discovered pictures of my hair from that time and I had wondered why I had not kept it that length since I liked how it looked.
I knew that I needed a haircut and I had to do something with my hair. I felt as if the long sides were like dog’s ears just hanging there. I would often play with my hair, twisting it while I watched TV. My husband had recently suggested that I get a modern hairstyle when I told him I was considering cutting my hair. I dared to have my hair cut short because it once was this short after I had chemo.
My daughter Joy is a hairstylist and I asked her what she would do with my hair if I was a client that came in to the hair salon. I said that she has the advantage of knowing me and my desire for a low-maintenance hairstyle. Knowing that my hair has a natural wave, Joy decided to razor cut it for a softer look. At first she left the sides a bit longer so it was more like a wedge haircut and not as drastic a change, but I didn’t like how it looked so she cut them off and blended the sides in with the back. I still had a longer bang that I parted to the side. I decided to wash my hair so that the hair would just fall naturally and to see if I wanted to keep that longer bang or to go for a shorter fringe of bangs. After looking at myself in the mirror from different angles, I decided that I would have the shorter bangs.
I had a sense of sadness when I thought why I knew I could risk cutting my hair so short. As I thought about it I remembered how important it was for me to regain a normal life after having cancer, including having the same hairstyle as before. That was the reason I didn’t keep my hair short. Now I was making a choice to have short hair rather than just coping with hair regrowth.
I feel exposed with my hair so short almost as if I had been hiding behind my same safe hairstyle. My earlobes, cheekbones and neck are now more noticeable. I don’t feel different inside, but when I walk past a mirror I am surprised at how different I look. It is a drastic change but one that I shall embrace as Part Two in having short hair.
I knew that I needed a haircut and I had to do something with my hair. I felt as if the long sides were like dog’s ears just hanging there. I would often play with my hair, twisting it while I watched TV. My husband had recently suggested that I get a modern hairstyle when I told him I was considering cutting my hair. I dared to have my hair cut short because it once was this short after I had chemo.
My daughter Joy is a hairstylist and I asked her what she would do with my hair if I was a client that came in to the hair salon. I said that she has the advantage of knowing me and my desire for a low-maintenance hairstyle. Knowing that my hair has a natural wave, Joy decided to razor cut it for a softer look. At first she left the sides a bit longer so it was more like a wedge haircut and not as drastic a change, but I didn’t like how it looked so she cut them off and blended the sides in with the back. I still had a longer bang that I parted to the side. I decided to wash my hair so that the hair would just fall naturally and to see if I wanted to keep that longer bang or to go for a shorter fringe of bangs. After looking at myself in the mirror from different angles, I decided that I would have the shorter bangs.
I had a sense of sadness when I thought why I knew I could risk cutting my hair so short. As I thought about it I remembered how important it was for me to regain a normal life after having cancer, including having the same hairstyle as before. That was the reason I didn’t keep my hair short. Now I was making a choice to have short hair rather than just coping with hair regrowth.
I feel exposed with my hair so short almost as if I had been hiding behind my same safe hairstyle. My earlobes, cheekbones and neck are now more noticeable. I don’t feel different inside, but when I walk past a mirror I am surprised at how different I look. It is a drastic change but one that I shall embrace as Part Two in having short hair.
Friday, 20 November 2009
Evolving Hairstyle
When my hair was so curly it needed to be trimmed on a regular basis. Initially the curls just got bigger as my hair grew and they would stick out. There were times before a needed haircut when I thought the long "wings" resembled a clown's hairstyle!
Now that the curls have relaxed to waves, I have started growing my hair into a bob. My daughter Joy has frequently trimmed my hair to eliminate the layers. Sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I think I would fit right in with the "Fab Four" 1960's Beatles!
I can have different looks depending on the weather. On days that have humidity in the air, my hair will again be curlier than on cool dry days. Sometimes the waves feather back to give me more of a 1970's hairstyle!
When my hair has finally reached the desired length I will go to the salon where Joy is a hairdresser. I will want her to shape the bob into a flattering modern hairstyle. There are days that I get frustrated with my hair at this in-between stage and I feel like getting it layered again. Joy reassures me that the growing out of layers will be worth it and I again look forward to the resulting hairstyle.
Now that the curls have relaxed to waves, I have started growing my hair into a bob. My daughter Joy has frequently trimmed my hair to eliminate the layers. Sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I think I would fit right in with the "Fab Four" 1960's Beatles!
I can have different looks depending on the weather. On days that have humidity in the air, my hair will again be curlier than on cool dry days. Sometimes the waves feather back to give me more of a 1970's hairstyle!
When my hair has finally reached the desired length I will go to the salon where Joy is a hairdresser. I will want her to shape the bob into a flattering modern hairstyle. There are days that I get frustrated with my hair at this in-between stage and I feel like getting it layered again. Joy reassures me that the growing out of layers will be worth it and I again look forward to the resulting hairstyle.
Wednesday, 18 February 2009
Not Recognized
Yesterday I was at a funeral for the founder of my husband's place of employment, where he has worked for almost twenty years. I saw some of Dan's co-workers there that I knew, but they did not recognize me or acknowledge me. They were used to seeing me how I looked before I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I did approach one of them, who is also the wife of a close colleague of Dan's. While she expressed surprise and hadn't recognized me, she also said it was good to see me. I could have gone to Dan's workplace for the reception afterwards, but I chose not to. Dan would not have been able to devote his time to stay by my side and re-introduce me to every colleague or client that I knew. It would have been too emotionally taxing for me to have to do this myself.
I am now used to how I look with short curly hair, but many people do not recognize me. I think that this reaction would not affect me to the degree that it does if I had only just cut my hair or permed it. Going through the experience of losing all of my hair and then having it grow in curly has been traumatic for me. I have tried to remain positive about this change, but it has had far greater consequences that I was not prepared for.
I am now used to how I look with short curly hair, but many people do not recognize me. I think that this reaction would not affect me to the degree that it does if I had only just cut my hair or permed it. Going through the experience of losing all of my hair and then having it grow in curly has been traumatic for me. I have tried to remain positive about this change, but it has had far greater consequences that I was not prepared for.
Saturday, 7 February 2009
Processing
I have not blogged recently because I have been processing a lot of what I have been through with having overcome ovarian cancer last year. Two weeks ago I had my routine follow-up appointment with my oncologist. My CA 125 blood count is well within the normal range and there is no change with my lymph nodes or abdomen. At the end of this month it will have been one year since I had my last chemotherapy treatment. Therefore, I won't need to see the oncologist until six months later instead of the previous schedule of every three months. This was cause for rejoicing and it brought much relief to my family, our friends, and me.
I am a small group discussion leader for the new Bible study on the book of Esther. Often I am in awe of God's timing in how the Bible studies I am involved in are so appropriate to what I am going through in my life. Last week during our discussion time about our responses to the world's standards of beauty, someone mentioned that it must have been hard for me when I had lost my hair. I was able to share some of my feelings about the trauma of having no eyelashes or eyebrows and being completely bald. When I got home from the study I was so exhausted that I had a nap; it took a lot out of me emotionally. I know that God wants to heal my emotions and I believe that He is using this study as part of that process.
I am a small group discussion leader for the new Bible study on the book of Esther. Often I am in awe of God's timing in how the Bible studies I am involved in are so appropriate to what I am going through in my life. Last week during our discussion time about our responses to the world's standards of beauty, someone mentioned that it must have been hard for me when I had lost my hair. I was able to share some of my feelings about the trauma of having no eyelashes or eyebrows and being completely bald. When I got home from the study I was so exhausted that I had a nap; it took a lot out of me emotionally. I know that God wants to heal my emotions and I believe that He is using this study as part of that process.
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
Tickled Pink!
This morning, as I was deciding what to wear today, I thought "I feel pink today". I chose my pink turtleneck top; pink earrings; and grey socks with pink polka dots. As I looked at myself in the mirror, taking in my overall appearance including my nail polish, I thought "I am perfectly content with how I look; I am tickled pink!".
I decided to look up the meaning of the phrase "tickled pink: thoroughly delighted or amused; elated" and I saw it was indeed appropriate. I have been transformed; it is like an extreme makeover, yet much of it has been gradual. I now wear earrings on a regular basis. My hair is now short and curly; that is how it has come in after the chemo. I have a membership at Curves and I am now doing two circuits. I have noticed a difference as my muscle strength has increased and I have lost inches.
I am also occasionally wearing nail polish on my fingernails. That may sound either frivolous or ordinary, but it is another form of restoration of my self-expression. When I was a young teenager I was given nail polish by a family friend, who was a salesman. It was a collection in every colour and shade; from yellow, orange, blue, green, to pink, purple, red, black and white. There were probably twenty colours in all. I would co-ordinate my nail colour with what I was wearing.
I know that God has restored my self-expression that was buried so many years ago; that is why I can say that I am "tickled pink!".
I decided to look up the meaning of the phrase "tickled pink: thoroughly delighted or amused; elated" and I saw it was indeed appropriate. I have been transformed; it is like an extreme makeover, yet much of it has been gradual. I now wear earrings on a regular basis. My hair is now short and curly; that is how it has come in after the chemo. I have a membership at Curves and I am now doing two circuits. I have noticed a difference as my muscle strength has increased and I have lost inches.
I am also occasionally wearing nail polish on my fingernails. That may sound either frivolous or ordinary, but it is another form of restoration of my self-expression. When I was a young teenager I was given nail polish by a family friend, who was a salesman. It was a collection in every colour and shade; from yellow, orange, blue, green, to pink, purple, red, black and white. There were probably twenty colours in all. I would co-ordinate my nail colour with what I was wearing.
I know that God has restored my self-expression that was buried so many years ago; that is why I can say that I am "tickled pink!".
Monday, 12 January 2009
Crazy Curls!
I have had my first "real" haircut and my hair is still curly! My daughter Joy is training to be a hairdresser, so I am having her practice on me. Joy has trimmed my hair quite a few times as it has grown.
I had been forewarned that not all of the hair on my head would grow in at the same pace, so I would need some sections trimmed more often than others. The hair at the crown of my head is still fairly short, while the hair around my ears and neck has had multiple trimmings. I was starting to have the makings of a "mullet" going on before the last trim!
My hair is the curliest when I first wash it. I wash my hair with shampoo for curly hair; then I scrunch my hair to help hold the curls in shape. My hair is still very soft; I have not yet used any styling gels on it. I think that soon I will need Joy to trim the hair on the top of my head; up till recently she has only needed to trim the bangs.
The photograph on my profile was taken a few months ago when the curls could first be seen. Now the hair on the top of my head is very curly; the curls go in every direction, hence the name of this post "Crazy Curls!".
I had been forewarned that not all of the hair on my head would grow in at the same pace, so I would need some sections trimmed more often than others. The hair at the crown of my head is still fairly short, while the hair around my ears and neck has had multiple trimmings. I was starting to have the makings of a "mullet" going on before the last trim!
My hair is the curliest when I first wash it. I wash my hair with shampoo for curly hair; then I scrunch my hair to help hold the curls in shape. My hair is still very soft; I have not yet used any styling gels on it. I think that soon I will need Joy to trim the hair on the top of my head; up till recently she has only needed to trim the bangs.
The photograph on my profile was taken a few months ago when the curls could first be seen. Now the hair on the top of my head is very curly; the curls go in every direction, hence the name of this post "Crazy Curls!".
Saturday, 3 January 2009
Final Journal Entries From 2008
In reading over my journals from 2008, there were a few more entries that I wanted to post on my blog to help "fill in the picture" of what my journey of overcoming ovarian cancer has been like.
(April 26 2008)
"I think that I am at peace with my body. I have contentment, or a sense of acceptance, and appreciation for what my body has gone through these last few months. My eyebrows and eyelashes have not yet filled in. My hair is slowly growing in on my head. It is much like after a war; there is a time needed to rebuild. It is as if my body was shell-shocked and now it is enjoying the time of peace; the assaults have stopped. It is a sense of relief to be through the treatments and all the side effects that go along with them. There are many things that I want to do, but I do not have the energy yet."
"I want to have 'beauty' and 'life' around me."
(May 20 2008)
"At times I think I am a slow learner in that I don't realize what God is trying to teach me. I have felt as if there is a 'wall' that I can't break through regarding the trauma associated with having had cancer. I was in such a weakened state; I could not bathe or dress myself; I could not do any household chore. I was dependent on others to assist me; or to run the household. I am now regaining my strength and I have gradually been increasing what I do."
"What I believe God wants me to learn is that I need to rely on Him and not on myself. I was brought to a place of dependence on others. I let down my guard and received the love and care and support they offered."
(June 5 2008)
"My hair is growing. My head is looking darker; there is no scalp showing through. I have gone outside without my wig and hat. I have driven to pick up my daughter from work without anything on my head. I found it too distracting to wear a hat while driving. I asked my husband if it looks like I just got my hair cut really short; he said 'no it looks shorter' than that! I was hoping that it would look stylish and not that I am recovering from chemo."
(June 7 2008)
"I am still 'hurting' from having had ovarian cancer. I need time to recover from the trauma. It affected me mentally, emotionally and physically."
"I am an individual. My life and my experiences as well as my responses are unique."
(June 9 2008)
"Cancer is one thing that lumps people together regardless of gender; age; race; religion; tastes in music; occupation; personality etc. We often form our alliances and friendships around shared interests and complimentary personalities."
"I did not choose to have ovarian cancer. No one chooses to have any kind of cancer. I have used this blog as a means of 'getting the word out' about ovarian cancer. I do not consider that by me having had ovarian cancer that I am automatically 'enrolled' in the cause."
"My biggest struggle, throughout my experience of having cancer and undergoing treatment, was to maintain a 'normal' life and retain who I am as an individual. The cause or passion that I have as a result of my experiences is that I have a desire to help others retain who they are in spite of having cancer and undergoing treatment. I spent too many years trying out different 'hats' and not knowing who I was as an individual."
In sharing these journal entries I feel as if I am closing off one chapter of my life's story. I am looking forward to what God has in store for the next chapter in this new year!
(April 26 2008)
"I think that I am at peace with my body. I have contentment, or a sense of acceptance, and appreciation for what my body has gone through these last few months. My eyebrows and eyelashes have not yet filled in. My hair is slowly growing in on my head. It is much like after a war; there is a time needed to rebuild. It is as if my body was shell-shocked and now it is enjoying the time of peace; the assaults have stopped. It is a sense of relief to be through the treatments and all the side effects that go along with them. There are many things that I want to do, but I do not have the energy yet."
"I want to have 'beauty' and 'life' around me."
(May 20 2008)
"At times I think I am a slow learner in that I don't realize what God is trying to teach me. I have felt as if there is a 'wall' that I can't break through regarding the trauma associated with having had cancer. I was in such a weakened state; I could not bathe or dress myself; I could not do any household chore. I was dependent on others to assist me; or to run the household. I am now regaining my strength and I have gradually been increasing what I do."
"What I believe God wants me to learn is that I need to rely on Him and not on myself. I was brought to a place of dependence on others. I let down my guard and received the love and care and support they offered."
(June 5 2008)
"My hair is growing. My head is looking darker; there is no scalp showing through. I have gone outside without my wig and hat. I have driven to pick up my daughter from work without anything on my head. I found it too distracting to wear a hat while driving. I asked my husband if it looks like I just got my hair cut really short; he said 'no it looks shorter' than that! I was hoping that it would look stylish and not that I am recovering from chemo."
(June 7 2008)
"I am still 'hurting' from having had ovarian cancer. I need time to recover from the trauma. It affected me mentally, emotionally and physically."
"I am an individual. My life and my experiences as well as my responses are unique."
(June 9 2008)
"Cancer is one thing that lumps people together regardless of gender; age; race; religion; tastes in music; occupation; personality etc. We often form our alliances and friendships around shared interests and complimentary personalities."
"I did not choose to have ovarian cancer. No one chooses to have any kind of cancer. I have used this blog as a means of 'getting the word out' about ovarian cancer. I do not consider that by me having had ovarian cancer that I am automatically 'enrolled' in the cause."
"My biggest struggle, throughout my experience of having cancer and undergoing treatment, was to maintain a 'normal' life and retain who I am as an individual. The cause or passion that I have as a result of my experiences is that I have a desire to help others retain who they are in spite of having cancer and undergoing treatment. I spent too many years trying out different 'hats' and not knowing who I was as an individual."
In sharing these journal entries I feel as if I am closing off one chapter of my life's story. I am looking forward to what God has in store for the next chapter in this new year!
Friday, 21 November 2008
Winter is coming
It was quite traumatic being in hospital again and having an NG tube. It is a horrible experience when it is first inserted; and I later had to have it re-inserted because it was not properly situated the first time. It was also unsettling to be exposed to onlookers, sitting in a wheelchair with the NG tube still in place, while awaiting my daily x-ray. To top it all off my hair was often disheveled, while the members of the public, who were awaiting other tests, were often perfectly coiffed.
I think that I had been overzealous in wanting to resume my regular activities when I should have taken the time to properly recover. I went to church the day after I was released from the hospital, but I was so weak I had to sit the whole time. It really was too soon for me to go, but I wanted to be encouraged through the teaching of God's Word and worshipping with others. I also went to the women's Bible study on the Thursday morning as it was the final day of studying "Walking By Faith".
I know that my body was weakened through all that I had experienced in not eating for several days while in hospital. I developed a head cold the next weekend and it lasted for over a week. My energy level is low and I long for it to be restored. I feel as if I have suffered a setback and I am now back to where I was several months ago after my chemo treatments had finished. Yesterday I had a followup appointment with my family doctor. She encouraged me to rest and "take it easy" because I "have been through a lot". I am again reminded that my life is paralleling the natural seasons. Winter is encroaching and soon will be here.
I think that I had been overzealous in wanting to resume my regular activities when I should have taken the time to properly recover. I went to church the day after I was released from the hospital, but I was so weak I had to sit the whole time. It really was too soon for me to go, but I wanted to be encouraged through the teaching of God's Word and worshipping with others. I also went to the women's Bible study on the Thursday morning as it was the final day of studying "Walking By Faith".
I know that my body was weakened through all that I had experienced in not eating for several days while in hospital. I developed a head cold the next weekend and it lasted for over a week. My energy level is low and I long for it to be restored. I feel as if I have suffered a setback and I am now back to where I was several months ago after my chemo treatments had finished. Yesterday I had a followup appointment with my family doctor. She encouraged me to rest and "take it easy" because I "have been through a lot". I am again reminded that my life is paralleling the natural seasons. Winter is encroaching and soon will be here.
Monday, 3 November 2008
Hair, There, and Everywhere
I never thought I would see the day when I would say that I don't like my hair. Well, I probably should qualify that statement by saying that I like my hair, I just don't like how it looks at the moment.
When I was losing my hair due to chemotherapy I could hardly wait for my hair to grow again! It was a novelty when it started to grow in curly. It looked cute and fashionable when it was shorter, but now that it is a couple of inches long I think that it looks old-fashioned! I think that I look like I am from the 1950's or 1960's!
It is now possible for me to awaken with bed-head and also to have bad hair days! Sometimes my hair seems to be going in every direction! I know that this is something that I should be grateful to experience, and I am, but... There is still the fact that there are days when my hair is not as I would like it to be.
I know that my hair is continuing to grow and I am not sure how I will finally have my hair styled. I do like the ease of care with a shorter hairstyle, but I am not sure how short I want to keep it. I am thinking that I would like to grow it a bit more and then maintain that length for a while. It will be interesting to see if my hair continues to have a curl after it has been cut.
When I was losing my hair due to chemotherapy I could hardly wait for my hair to grow again! It was a novelty when it started to grow in curly. It looked cute and fashionable when it was shorter, but now that it is a couple of inches long I think that it looks old-fashioned! I think that I look like I am from the 1950's or 1960's!
It is now possible for me to awaken with bed-head and also to have bad hair days! Sometimes my hair seems to be going in every direction! I know that this is something that I should be grateful to experience, and I am, but... There is still the fact that there are days when my hair is not as I would like it to be.
I know that my hair is continuing to grow and I am not sure how I will finally have my hair styled. I do like the ease of care with a shorter hairstyle, but I am not sure how short I want to keep it. I am thinking that I would like to grow it a bit more and then maintain that length for a while. It will be interesting to see if my hair continues to have a curl after it has been cut.
Friday, 10 October 2008
Thanksgiving
This Monday will be the Canadian Thanksgiving and I was thinking about some of the "things" that I am thankful for.
Treasured memories
Healing from cancer
Answered prayer
Neighbours who care
Kindness of others
Sisters by birth and friendship
God's faithfulness
Increasing energy
Valleys where God is present
Increasing strength
New hair
Good reports from my doctors
"Come, let us sing to the Lord! Let us give a joyous shout to the rock of our salvation! Let us come before him with thanksgiving. Let us sing him psalms of praise." Psalm 95:1,2 (NLT)
"Enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and bless his name. For the Lord is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation." Psalm 100:4,5 (NLT)
Treasured memories
Healing from cancer
Answered prayer
Neighbours who care
Kindness of others
Sisters by birth and friendship
God's faithfulness
Increasing energy
Valleys where God is present
Increasing strength
New hair
Good reports from my doctors
"Come, let us sing to the Lord! Let us give a joyous shout to the rock of our salvation! Let us come before him with thanksgiving. Let us sing him psalms of praise." Psalm 95:1,2 (NLT)
"Enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and bless his name. For the Lord is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation." Psalm 100:4,5 (NLT)
Tuesday, 7 October 2008
Significant Events
A lot has happened since I last posted an update here.
I was interviewed by one of our local papers to tell my story about being diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I willingly agreed in the hope that it would help others be diagnosed sooner. What I had not considered was that they would also want a photo of me to accompany the article. I decided to submit one from before I was diagnosed so people who knew me would recognize me. At the present I do not look like I did in that picture. I am now glad that I chose that photograph because I can walk freely in town without feeling self-conscious around people I do not know.
My hair is now longer and finally looks like a hairstyle that I have chosen! I have had it trimmed in order to give a more flattering shape as it continues to grow. My hair is quite curly, especially at the top of my head. I have heard that this is not unusual after chemotherapy. I like the ease of care; just wash and go, although I often use a pick comb to fluff it out.
I recently took part in the 5 km Winners mini-walk of Hope in Aurora. This was a walk that my sisters had organized in support of Ovarian Cancer Canada. A year ago I was unable to attend the first mini-walk as I was too ill. It was a significant event for me to be able to walk the route knowing that I was now healed from ovarian cancer.
Next year I hope to walk in the national Winners Walk of Hope, which takes place in Sunnybrook Park in Toronto. I had my surgery at Sunnybrook hospital, which is near there, so I think that taking part in the national walk will also be a significant event.
Another significant event in my life is my involvement as a discussion leader in a ladies' Bible study in town. I will write about this in another post as the topic, "Walking By Faith: Lessons Learned in the Dark", is quite significant in light of my recent journey of dealing with ovarian cancer.
http://www.ovariancanada.org/
I was interviewed by one of our local papers to tell my story about being diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I willingly agreed in the hope that it would help others be diagnosed sooner. What I had not considered was that they would also want a photo of me to accompany the article. I decided to submit one from before I was diagnosed so people who knew me would recognize me. At the present I do not look like I did in that picture. I am now glad that I chose that photograph because I can walk freely in town without feeling self-conscious around people I do not know.
My hair is now longer and finally looks like a hairstyle that I have chosen! I have had it trimmed in order to give a more flattering shape as it continues to grow. My hair is quite curly, especially at the top of my head. I have heard that this is not unusual after chemotherapy. I like the ease of care; just wash and go, although I often use a pick comb to fluff it out.
I recently took part in the 5 km Winners mini-walk of Hope in Aurora. This was a walk that my sisters had organized in support of Ovarian Cancer Canada. A year ago I was unable to attend the first mini-walk as I was too ill. It was a significant event for me to be able to walk the route knowing that I was now healed from ovarian cancer.
Next year I hope to walk in the national Winners Walk of Hope, which takes place in Sunnybrook Park in Toronto. I had my surgery at Sunnybrook hospital, which is near there, so I think that taking part in the national walk will also be a significant event.
Another significant event in my life is my involvement as a discussion leader in a ladies' Bible study in town. I will write about this in another post as the topic, "Walking By Faith: Lessons Learned in the Dark", is quite significant in light of my recent journey of dealing with ovarian cancer.
http://www.ovariancanada.org/
Tuesday, 26 August 2008
"Chasing The Natural"
I recently read a quote in the July edition of Canadian Living that encapsulates this new season of my life. "...If you chase the natural, it will come back full gallop, meaning don't fight who you are or what you look like - just work with it." - Frederic Fekkai (page 33, Style, Canadian Living July 2008)
I now have a full head of hair, meaning my scalp is no longer visible. As my hair has filled in, I have discovered that it is quite curly. My hair has always had a natural wave, but I did not know that it could be this curly as I have never had my hair this short. The back of my head is the waviest and I often like to run my hand over it. I am not yet used to how it feels since it is in layers. So far the maintenance is rather easy; I just wash and towel dry my my hair; then I smooth down the hairs that stick up. I have started to develop "wings" at the sides so I might need to have them trimmed soon.
I am so glad that I "took the plunge" and went wig-free early on; it was liberating. Many people have complimented me on my wig, which helped me to not feel self-conscious about wearing it. Occasionally there were times that I felt uncomfortable when someone insisted that I should wear my hair like my wig when it grew back because it suited me so well. When I had replied that I was not sure if I could, since my hair has a natural wave, they stated that there are hairdressers who can overcome that.
I like how my hair looks, but I am not used to seeing myself looking like that. One evening I mentioned to my husband that I did not think that I looked like "me" and asked if he agreed. He replied, "I hardly recognize you!". I knew he was joking so I asked what he really thought. He said that I have not looked like "me" for a long time and that he has gotten used to it. He said that he thought my hair looked good and that it suited me. My daughter said that it is "the new me".
I now have a full head of hair, meaning my scalp is no longer visible. As my hair has filled in, I have discovered that it is quite curly. My hair has always had a natural wave, but I did not know that it could be this curly as I have never had my hair this short. The back of my head is the waviest and I often like to run my hand over it. I am not yet used to how it feels since it is in layers. So far the maintenance is rather easy; I just wash and towel dry my my hair; then I smooth down the hairs that stick up. I have started to develop "wings" at the sides so I might need to have them trimmed soon.
I am so glad that I "took the plunge" and went wig-free early on; it was liberating. Many people have complimented me on my wig, which helped me to not feel self-conscious about wearing it. Occasionally there were times that I felt uncomfortable when someone insisted that I should wear my hair like my wig when it grew back because it suited me so well. When I had replied that I was not sure if I could, since my hair has a natural wave, they stated that there are hairdressers who can overcome that.
I like how my hair looks, but I am not used to seeing myself looking like that. One evening I mentioned to my husband that I did not think that I looked like "me" and asked if he agreed. He replied, "I hardly recognize you!". I knew he was joking so I asked what he really thought. He said that I have not looked like "me" for a long time and that he has gotten used to it. He said that he thought my hair looked good and that it suited me. My daughter said that it is "the new me".
Wednesday, 6 August 2008
Looking Back
It was traumatic being ill with ovarian cancer. The treatment and subsequent side-effects added further trauma. My family had to cope with this as I was going through it; but now that I am well, they have moved on. I, on the other hand, did not experience the full impact of the trauma as I was going through it. All my energy and focus was on making it through treatment and surgery. As I am in new situations or returning to familiar activities the emotional impact of the trauma is released. Recently I was looking through the plastic container that held my medicine for a small pill holder. I had waves of emotion and memories flood over me.
When I had ovarian cancer and was undergoing treatment I felt as though I was a "prisoner" in my own body. I had no real control over my body or my life at that time. The cancer caused my body to react by producing fluid (ascities) in my abdomen, which I needed to have drained on several occasions. It was rather scary the first time, but I wanted relief: they ended up draining about 7 litres of fluid! I had it drained three more times and it was progressively less fluid each time, as the chemo was destroying the cancer cells. I also had lost a lot of weight - probably between 25 and 30 pounds. Many times right after receiving chemo I did not feel like eating for the first few days, or I was too nauseous to keep anything down. When I eventually did eat, I concentrated on high protein foods and I supplemented my diet with "Ensure". I was trying to regain weight in order to build up my strength to cope with the chemotherapy treatments. These were times I would not want to repeat.
I need to write my story; I need to release all that is inside. It has taken tremendous emotional energy to bring me through to where I am now. I was encouraged to remain positive. That has helped me "find the silver lining in every cloud" I faced.
When I look at the pictures of me without hair or with very little hair, I am shocked at how I looked. I am often smiling in these pictures. I do not recall any negative feedback from my family while I was going through it. They accepted my hair loss and I accepted it; we had no control over it. This is what I had written in my journal on October 30 2007, "Last night I was so full of praise to God. I told Dan [my husband] that I wished that Jesus was right here so that I could hug Him. I right away had the sense that Jesus was hugging me; holding me close to His heart. I looked just how I look now - shorn head with balding spots and yet I was safe in His arms."
When I had ovarian cancer and was undergoing treatment I felt as though I was a "prisoner" in my own body. I had no real control over my body or my life at that time. The cancer caused my body to react by producing fluid (ascities) in my abdomen, which I needed to have drained on several occasions. It was rather scary the first time, but I wanted relief: they ended up draining about 7 litres of fluid! I had it drained three more times and it was progressively less fluid each time, as the chemo was destroying the cancer cells. I also had lost a lot of weight - probably between 25 and 30 pounds. Many times right after receiving chemo I did not feel like eating for the first few days, or I was too nauseous to keep anything down. When I eventually did eat, I concentrated on high protein foods and I supplemented my diet with "Ensure". I was trying to regain weight in order to build up my strength to cope with the chemotherapy treatments. These were times I would not want to repeat.
I need to write my story; I need to release all that is inside. It has taken tremendous emotional energy to bring me through to where I am now. I was encouraged to remain positive. That has helped me "find the silver lining in every cloud" I faced.
When I look at the pictures of me without hair or with very little hair, I am shocked at how I looked. I am often smiling in these pictures. I do not recall any negative feedback from my family while I was going through it. They accepted my hair loss and I accepted it; we had no control over it. This is what I had written in my journal on October 30 2007, "Last night I was so full of praise to God. I told Dan [my husband] that I wished that Jesus was right here so that I could hug Him. I right away had the sense that Jesus was hugging me; holding me close to His heart. I looked just how I look now - shorn head with balding spots and yet I was safe in His arms."
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
An Encourager On The Sidelines
I would like to honour a man, my dad, who has been a great encourager to me, on this journey of overcoming ovarian cancer.
My father has not idly watched me, but rather he has spoken many words of encouragement. He has also lifted me up in prayer to my Heavenly Father; Dad knew that only God could intervene and bring me through victoriously.
My dad has also willingly "stepped in" when needed. During the early days right after receiving chemo, I always had someone at home with me. Dad took several turns to "be on call" should I need anything. One time he drove me to Emergency when I had troubling side-effects, and my husband met me there. My father has also driven my mother and me to the hospital for my chemotherapy treatments.
The encouragement has continued, but now the focus has been on my hair's growth. Dad made positive comments as my hair poked through; slowly filled in; and grew. I know that my father will continue to be an encourager to me, as he often has an encouraging word in response to what I have just written on my blog.
My father has not idly watched me, but rather he has spoken many words of encouragement. He has also lifted me up in prayer to my Heavenly Father; Dad knew that only God could intervene and bring me through victoriously.
My dad has also willingly "stepped in" when needed. During the early days right after receiving chemo, I always had someone at home with me. Dad took several turns to "be on call" should I need anything. One time he drove me to Emergency when I had troubling side-effects, and my husband met me there. My father has also driven my mother and me to the hospital for my chemotherapy treatments.
The encouragement has continued, but now the focus has been on my hair's growth. Dad made positive comments as my hair poked through; slowly filled in; and grew. I know that my father will continue to be an encourager to me, as he often has an encouraging word in response to what I have just written on my blog.
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
Hair-y Thoughts
I find that I look at other women's short hairstyles intently; I am wanting to see if my hair looks "normal" yet. I think that parts of my hair, at the back and sides, are close in length to some short hair styles. Most women though have longer hair on top of their head; mine is still quite short.
Another advantage of very short hair is that I can try out various short hairstyles as my hair grows. It is not as drastic as if I had cut my hair this short from the original length. My hair had been shoulder-length or even a bit longer. I had been meaning to get it cut before I became sick. As my hair was thinning I had my daughter cut my hair to chin length; that helped make it look healthier. I am glad that I still had hair and felt well enough to get my drivers' licence photo taken; I was going to have that picture for five years!
I think that I am expecting miraculous hair growth because I often look in the mirror first thing in the morning expecting it to look longer. Maybe "watched" hair doesn't grow, much like "a watched pot never boils"! I know that my hair is growing; it is now starting to grow over my ears. That may sound pretty long, but it is only about an inch long everywhere. There is a slight wave on the top of my head and I do see some grey hairs.
Yesterday I was in Costco and I wanted to get some information from the pharmacy department. After I asked the woman there what I had wanted to know, she said "I like your hair! It opens your face". I received her compliment and thanked her without adding my usual explanation that I didn't cut my hair in this style, but rather it is just starting to grow in after chemo.
Another advantage of very short hair is that I can try out various short hairstyles as my hair grows. It is not as drastic as if I had cut my hair this short from the original length. My hair had been shoulder-length or even a bit longer. I had been meaning to get it cut before I became sick. As my hair was thinning I had my daughter cut my hair to chin length; that helped make it look healthier. I am glad that I still had hair and felt well enough to get my drivers' licence photo taken; I was going to have that picture for five years!
I think that I am expecting miraculous hair growth because I often look in the mirror first thing in the morning expecting it to look longer. Maybe "watched" hair doesn't grow, much like "a watched pot never boils"! I know that my hair is growing; it is now starting to grow over my ears. That may sound pretty long, but it is only about an inch long everywhere. There is a slight wave on the top of my head and I do see some grey hairs.
Yesterday I was in Costco and I wanted to get some information from the pharmacy department. After I asked the woman there what I had wanted to know, she said "I like your hair! It opens your face". I received her compliment and thanked her without adding my usual explanation that I didn't cut my hair in this style, but rather it is just starting to grow in after chemo.
Saturday, 5 July 2008
A Visit With My Friend
Yesterday I drove with my daughter Joy to Barrie; she had to meet someone at noon as she was going away for a weekend retreat. I had the idea of calling my good friend Dianne to see if she could meet me in Barrie for lunch. She had the day off and, since her husband also needed to go to Barrie, we met at Tim Horton's and not where we usually meet. This was a small window of opportunity that we were able to snatch.
We greeted each other with a hug. "You look good!", Dianne exclaimed and then commented on my hair. We had easy conversation, updating each other on our lives and our families. As we were sitting in Tim Horton's, I said to Dianne that it is a "big thing" when I first do something I haven't done since before I was sick. She responded that me driving to Barrie and meeting her for lunch was a "big thing"! When I look back on where I have been and see where I am now I can agree.
Dianne had visited me in the hospital when I first was in Southlake. There is a rooftop terrace just off the Cancer Ward that she wheeled me out to as I was too weak to walk. When I was first home from the hospital and experiencing all the side effects from chemo, Dianne visited me. We were going to have tea together. I was very weak and I tired easily, so after a short time I laid down in my bed and Dianne sat on the edge of the bed. Dianne was here another time when our new queen-sized bed was delivered. She helped Joy make the bed; put the duvet into its cover; tuck in the pillowcase ends just like hotels do; and then I was allowed to see the result!
Dianne has seen me at my lowest points. She has seen my head at various stages of hair loss. I have felt comfortable and confident in allowing Dianne to see me so vulnerable because I trust her. We have been friends for thirteen years. We have shared many experiences, good and bad. Even though our visit was short, it was good to see each other again. We're going to go for a BBQ at her place soon; then we'll have more opportunity to talk.
"A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need." Proverbs 17:17 (NLT)
We greeted each other with a hug. "You look good!", Dianne exclaimed and then commented on my hair. We had easy conversation, updating each other on our lives and our families. As we were sitting in Tim Horton's, I said to Dianne that it is a "big thing" when I first do something I haven't done since before I was sick. She responded that me driving to Barrie and meeting her for lunch was a "big thing"! When I look back on where I have been and see where I am now I can agree.
Dianne had visited me in the hospital when I first was in Southlake. There is a rooftop terrace just off the Cancer Ward that she wheeled me out to as I was too weak to walk. When I was first home from the hospital and experiencing all the side effects from chemo, Dianne visited me. We were going to have tea together. I was very weak and I tired easily, so after a short time I laid down in my bed and Dianne sat on the edge of the bed. Dianne was here another time when our new queen-sized bed was delivered. She helped Joy make the bed; put the duvet into its cover; tuck in the pillowcase ends just like hotels do; and then I was allowed to see the result!
Dianne has seen me at my lowest points. She has seen my head at various stages of hair loss. I have felt comfortable and confident in allowing Dianne to see me so vulnerable because I trust her. We have been friends for thirteen years. We have shared many experiences, good and bad. Even though our visit was short, it was good to see each other again. We're going to go for a BBQ at her place soon; then we'll have more opportunity to talk.
"A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need." Proverbs 17:17 (NLT)
Saturday, 28 June 2008
The Benefits of Very Short Hair
I have decided that instead of feeling sorry for myself and indulging in self-pity I would compose a list of benefits of having very short hair.
1) It is cooler in the hot, humid weather.
2) I am able to have all the car windows wide open, and the sun roof open, without hair blowing in my face!
3) It is quick to get ready; I just wash my hair and go.
4) It is economical; I save on hair styling products and visits to the hair salon.
5) When I awaken in the morning I have no "bed head"!
6) I have no "bad hair days"!
7) There is no hair out of place. I can be confident that I look the same all day, from the first look in the mirror to the last look at night!
I know that my hair is growing and I won't always have very short hair. I will look back on this time and thank God for bringing me through it.
1) It is cooler in the hot, humid weather.
2) I am able to have all the car windows wide open, and the sun roof open, without hair blowing in my face!
3) It is quick to get ready; I just wash my hair and go.
4) It is economical; I save on hair styling products and visits to the hair salon.
5) When I awaken in the morning I have no "bed head"!
6) I have no "bad hair days"!
7) There is no hair out of place. I can be confident that I look the same all day, from the first look in the mirror to the last look at night!
I know that my hair is growing and I won't always have very short hair. I will look back on this time and thank God for bringing me through it.
Tuesday, 17 June 2008
Wig-Free
I have "taken the plunge" by going without my wig in public. I have had a "love/hate" relationship with my wig. When I was losing my hair I appreciated having a "hair prosthesis" that helped to keep up the appearance of a normal healthy female. I grew accustomed to putting it on before I faced the public.
At first I disliked all the hair around my face. I could not tuck some hair behind my ears, as I was used to doing, because I did not have any "sideburns"; the hair that grows just in front of your ears. I often felt it was like I was wearing a mask, in that it hid the true state of my hair or lack of it.
My main reason for not wearing my wig was the fact that it is synthetic hair, so it was too hot to wear in the humid weather. So far I have had only positive feedback to such a short "hairstyle". If anyone has thought negatively, they have thankfully kept their criticism to themselves. My hair is downy soft and lies flat against my head. Today, though, I just noticed a tuft of hair sticking up. I wonder how I will like my hairstyle once it is "sticking up" all over!
At first I disliked all the hair around my face. I could not tuck some hair behind my ears, as I was used to doing, because I did not have any "sideburns"; the hair that grows just in front of your ears. I often felt it was like I was wearing a mask, in that it hid the true state of my hair or lack of it.
My main reason for not wearing my wig was the fact that it is synthetic hair, so it was too hot to wear in the humid weather. So far I have had only positive feedback to such a short "hairstyle". If anyone has thought negatively, they have thankfully kept their criticism to themselves. My hair is downy soft and lies flat against my head. Today, though, I just noticed a tuft of hair sticking up. I wonder how I will like my hairstyle once it is "sticking up" all over!
Friday, 30 May 2008
An Afternoon of Pampering
Yesterday I was treated to an afternoon at a local spa. We had lunch in the cafe. It was good to catch up and reminisce about old times. Our lives are very different; she is a single business woman who owns her own home; I am a homemaker, married for 25 years this September, with 3 children, ages 23,21 and 18. Despite our differences we share a common heritage. We are not too distant cousins; our grandmothers were sisters. We have seen each other off and on throughout the years, but we each agreed that we needed to not let so much time go by before we get together again.
It was my first outing wearing my stylish white and black sunhat, which complimented my outfit of black capris and white sweater. I knew I did not want to wear my wig because it would interfere with my spa treatments. I was given a choice of what I would like. I chose a half hour aromatherapy massage and I got my eyebrows waxed. Of course I removed my hat when I had the treatments. I was able to share my experience of ovarian cancer with the massage therapist. I also shared about the upcoming "Celebrate" luncheon at The Royal York hotel and my desire for nicely shaped eyebrows.
Cancer has had an impact on my life but, in the midst of dealing with the side-effects of chemo such as hair loss, I was able to be pampered; I reconnected with my cousin in an enjoyable setting; and I got to look "fashionable" in my stylish hat.
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28 (NLT)
It was my first outing wearing my stylish white and black sunhat, which complimented my outfit of black capris and white sweater. I knew I did not want to wear my wig because it would interfere with my spa treatments. I was given a choice of what I would like. I chose a half hour aromatherapy massage and I got my eyebrows waxed. Of course I removed my hat when I had the treatments. I was able to share my experience of ovarian cancer with the massage therapist. I also shared about the upcoming "Celebrate" luncheon at The Royal York hotel and my desire for nicely shaped eyebrows.
Cancer has had an impact on my life but, in the midst of dealing with the side-effects of chemo such as hair loss, I was able to be pampered; I reconnected with my cousin in an enjoyable setting; and I got to look "fashionable" in my stylish hat.
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28 (NLT)
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