It is interesting, looking back on this past year and looking ahead to 2008. I know that God uses all that we experience to work out His plan for our lives. I have had one set of chemo, which is destroying the cancer cells. In the new year I will have surgery to remove any remaing cancer and the affected organ, as well as related ones - I am having a complete hysterectomy. Then I will have some more chemo to erradicate any remaining cancer cells.
It is intersting how these procedures have been divided, not only by year, but by season. I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and began treatment in autumn, which is a season where plants wither up and die. My CA125 levels went from 4095 to 58 after three rounds of chemo. The cancer, like the plants, was withering up and dying. Winter is the season that I have my surgery and remaining chemo. It is as if the soil of my life is being prepared for the new life of spring. The tumor, ovaries and nearby organs are being removed. I don't need those anymore. I am thankful for the three beautiful children that my ovaries produced and my uterus nurtured. I will be fruitful in other ways and give birth to other things in the spiritual realm. That has not ended, nor can that be taken away from me. I will be totally done chemo and able to move on by the end of spring. I am looking forward to the new life that God has for me. There have been things planted that have either weathered the harsh storms or that have lain dormant and are awaiting the spring and summer time of my life.
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: ... a time to plant and a time to uproot." Ecclesiastes 3:1,2b (NIV)
Monday, 31 December 2007
Sunday, 30 December 2007
Gratefulness or Self-Pity
"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:15-17 (NIV)
I resented the fact that I needed to have surgery. I was regaining strength and health; I didn't want to be cut open and have to recover from surgery. I was struggling to have the right attitude toward surgery. I knew that I needed to be positive and to go into it with a positive attitude rather than a negative one.
As I was praying and thinking about my upcoming surgery, the thought came to me that I had a choice. I could wallow in self-pity or I could choose to be grateful. I have much to be grateful for:
I live in Canada, where the medical tests and procedures are readily available and paid for in Ontario by OHIP
When I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, treatment began immediately
I have access to specialists and hospitals where I can receive treatment and have necessary surgery
All my medication is covered by my husband's health insurance plan
I have home care nurses who are paid for by CCAC
I have a wonderful family who is supportive of me in every way
I have been regaining strength and some of the weight that I had lost; I will be better equipped physically to undergo surgery
I have a caring church family, who pray and offer practical help as well
God has given me strength and His grace to cope; I know that He will be with me through the surgery and recovery
"Praise the Lord, I tell myself; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, I tell myself, and never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases." Psalm 103: 1-3 (NLT)
I resented the fact that I needed to have surgery. I was regaining strength and health; I didn't want to be cut open and have to recover from surgery. I was struggling to have the right attitude toward surgery. I knew that I needed to be positive and to go into it with a positive attitude rather than a negative one.
As I was praying and thinking about my upcoming surgery, the thought came to me that I had a choice. I could wallow in self-pity or I could choose to be grateful. I have much to be grateful for:
"Praise the Lord, I tell myself; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, I tell myself, and never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases." Psalm 103: 1-3 (NLT)
Tuesday, 18 December 2007
Giving Hope To Others
I have recently had two conversations with friends about this topic "Giving Hope To Others". God has given me hope in the midst of this difficult time of dealing with ovarian cancer. I have been encouraged by my nuclear family, my extended family and my church family giving me emotional, physical and spiritual support. Several friends have also provided encouragement. I have drawn much strength and encouragement from God's Word, either through my own reading or from others' teaching. It is as if I am "gathering" encouragement and hope in a big bag like Santa's sack. I feel that I am storing up these things for future ministry. I am looking forward to the opportunities that God will provide for me to share with others.
"All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us". 2 Corinthians 1:3,4 (MSG)
"All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us". 2 Corinthians 1:3,4 (MSG)
Wednesday, 12 December 2007
My Times Are In God's Hands
I am longing for this time to be over. God has sustained me through this time. I have experienced His peace in hard times. I am not looking forward to my upcoming surgery. Yet I know that it is necessary. I have finished one leg of this journey, and the next one awaits me. I am having surgery on January 8. I am glad that I am able to enjoy the Christmas season with our families. After surgery I am to have more chemotherapy. I hope it is not many rounds. I want to move on and begin to heal from the effects of chemo and surgery.
Father, I again commit "my times" into Your hands. You already have a time for me to heal. May I continue to rest in knowing that You are in control.
"My times are in your hands" Psalm 31: 15a(NIV)
"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven...a time to heal..." Ecclesiastes 3:1,3 (NIV)
Father, I again commit "my times" into Your hands. You already have a time for me to heal. May I continue to rest in knowing that You are in control.
"My times are in your hands" Psalm 31: 15a(NIV)
"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven...a time to heal..." Ecclesiastes 3:1,3 (NIV)
Friday, 7 December 2007
Light-hearted Moments
In the midst of this season of my life I am able to have moments of fun with my family and others. I thought I would share a couple of recent examples.
Because my head is mostly bald I usually wear something to cover my head to help keep it warm. I was recently given two scarf-hats. They are made by a lady at the local seniors' centre for those undergoing chemotherapy and experience hair loss. One of the scarves is a denim blue colour with little off-white flowers. I wore my blue dangly earrings, that my sister made me, with it when I was wearing blue. At the dinner table my youngest son said"Say 'ARRGH!' Mom". He thought that I looked like a pirate! We felt that it would be more authentic if I wore only one of my earrings! My daughter stated that she felt that I looked more like "a biker chick"! The shape and style, but not the colour, is similar to the type of scarf that Paul Sr. wears on Orange County Choppers !
When I was last at the hospital for my chemo I was able to pick out a few hats that had been donated. Yesterday I wore a crocheted hat that is almost florescent pink in colour. My daughter said that she wants to "punk" my hat sometime and wear it. I was wearing a pink top, not nearly as bright as the hat, and a pair of dangly pink earrings. I decided to keep the funky look going by wearing my psychedelic pink fuzzy slippers that my sister had given me in my Sunshine Basket. When my home nurse came for my bi-weekly checkup, she exclaimed that she liked my outfit! She said that the hat's colour was Barbie pink!
Because my head is mostly bald I usually wear something to cover my head to help keep it warm. I was recently given two scarf-hats. They are made by a lady at the local seniors' centre for those undergoing chemotherapy and experience hair loss. One of the scarves is a denim blue colour with little off-white flowers. I wore my blue dangly earrings, that my sister made me, with it when I was wearing blue. At the dinner table my youngest son said"Say 'ARRGH!' Mom". He thought that I looked like a pirate! We felt that it would be more authentic if I wore only one of my earrings! My daughter stated that she felt that I looked more like "a biker chick"! The shape and style, but not the colour, is similar to the type of scarf that Paul Sr. wears on Orange County Choppers !
When I was last at the hospital for my chemo I was able to pick out a few hats that had been donated. Yesterday I wore a crocheted hat that is almost florescent pink in colour. My daughter said that she wants to "punk" my hat sometime and wear it. I was wearing a pink top, not nearly as bright as the hat, and a pair of dangly pink earrings. I decided to keep the funky look going by wearing my psychedelic pink fuzzy slippers that my sister had given me in my Sunshine Basket. When my home nurse came for my bi-weekly checkup, she exclaimed that she liked my outfit! She said that the hat's colour was Barbie pink!
Tuesday, 27 November 2007
Being "Normal"
When life is going as planned and we are healthy and "living our life", we can take normal everyday tasks for granted, and even resent having to do them. I was so weak and unable to perform even the simplest task. I needed assistance even to get dressed when I was experiencing the side-effects of Stemetil, the anti-nausea drug. Once it was discovered that I was extremely allergic to that particular drug and no longer taking it, I suddenly had the ability to dress myself. I began to start doing some everyday tasks such as setting the table and loading the dishwasher. Later, in the evening my arms and hands would ache because I hadn't used those muscles in over two months!
My husband and I went for a walk in the countryside one Saturday afternoon. It was so enjoyable to walk in the woods and to smell the autumn scents of decaying leaves. I had missed being outside and enjoying nature. It was so good to see where my husband and sons had gone for walks and taken pictures. It was a cool day, but I was bundled up. I hadn't pushed myself; we were taking it slowly and I was able to sit and rest before we headed back to our van. Later that evening my legs were sore. I hadn't used those muscles for over two months either. When I was taking Stemetil I could only shuffle or walk with assistance.
This last Thursday my good friend Anita took me to Soeby's, a local grocery store, and to Healthy By Choice, a new health food store and bakery where my daughter was now working. I hadn't been in Soeby's since it had changed over from being an IGA. Also I had been unable to attend the grand opening of Healthy By Choice since it occurred during the time I was in my "danger zone" when I am more susceptible to colds etc. It was so good to do something "normal" such as buying bananas in the grocery store and a specialty tea in the health food store.
Yesterday I had my second lunch with a couple of close friends from my past. It was so good to enjoy one another's company; talk about our lives and our shared faith. We did talk about me having cancer, but it was not the main focus of our time together. It was good to explore possible solutions to different situations; to laugh at ourselves; and just be "normal".
My husband and I went for a walk in the countryside one Saturday afternoon. It was so enjoyable to walk in the woods and to smell the autumn scents of decaying leaves. I had missed being outside and enjoying nature. It was so good to see where my husband and sons had gone for walks and taken pictures. It was a cool day, but I was bundled up. I hadn't pushed myself; we were taking it slowly and I was able to sit and rest before we headed back to our van. Later that evening my legs were sore. I hadn't used those muscles for over two months either. When I was taking Stemetil I could only shuffle or walk with assistance.
This last Thursday my good friend Anita took me to Soeby's, a local grocery store, and to Healthy By Choice, a new health food store and bakery where my daughter was now working. I hadn't been in Soeby's since it had changed over from being an IGA. Also I had been unable to attend the grand opening of Healthy By Choice since it occurred during the time I was in my "danger zone" when I am more susceptible to colds etc. It was so good to do something "normal" such as buying bananas in the grocery store and a specialty tea in the health food store.
Yesterday I had my second lunch with a couple of close friends from my past. It was so good to enjoy one another's company; talk about our lives and our shared faith. We did talk about me having cancer, but it was not the main focus of our time together. It was good to explore possible solutions to different situations; to laugh at ourselves; and just be "normal".
Friday, 23 November 2007
Friends
I have been blessed with many friends. Friends are the "hands of Jesus" in my life. I sense God's love for me through the various acts of kindness that my friends do for me and my family. I want to share some examples of the ways that people have reached out to me and blessed me.
We have in our church a missionary couple from Brazil, whose first language is Portuguese. One day recently the wife appeared on my doorstep. She wanted to share a scripture and pray for me. As she sought to find the "right" English word to express her heart for me I was blessed by her loving care for me. That same day a friend from my past, who I have recently been more in contact with, blessed our family with dinner. What makes that a special action is that she lives over 45 minutes away from me.
A lady in my church blessed our family with a full course meal that was "fit for company". I was overwhelmed by the thought and work involved. Later, when my husband returned all her dishes, she and her husband prayed for each member of my family. My husband and I felt loved and cared for.
My pastor and his wife visited me when I was in Emergency. They had come because of an urgent prayer request that was called in to the church. I asked if they were in the neighbourhood or visiting others in the hospital and they said no they came just to see me. They prayed for me and I again felt loved and cared for.
There have been many others too numerous to mention who have called; sent cards;made soup; brought meals; and prayed. This season of my life has been marked by God loving me through His people.
We have in our church a missionary couple from Brazil, whose first language is Portuguese. One day recently the wife appeared on my doorstep. She wanted to share a scripture and pray for me. As she sought to find the "right" English word to express her heart for me I was blessed by her loving care for me. That same day a friend from my past, who I have recently been more in contact with, blessed our family with dinner. What makes that a special action is that she lives over 45 minutes away from me.
A lady in my church blessed our family with a full course meal that was "fit for company". I was overwhelmed by the thought and work involved. Later, when my husband returned all her dishes, she and her husband prayed for each member of my family. My husband and I felt loved and cared for.
My pastor and his wife visited me when I was in Emergency. They had come because of an urgent prayer request that was called in to the church. I asked if they were in the neighbourhood or visiting others in the hospital and they said no they came just to see me. They prayed for me and I again felt loved and cared for.
There have been many others too numerous to mention who have called; sent cards;made soup; brought meals; and prayed. This season of my life has been marked by God loving me through His people.
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