I was thinking that I could write about the part of me that has been hidden away or missing for all these years. I could write about her/me as a young woman, who I discover is alive and related to me and that I did not know. I could give her feelings and desires and abilities which are present, but that I find hard to express in my "grown up" "controlled" life. I sense that by doing this in the third person I will be able to bypass anything that could hinder.
I sense that she is a real person and I know that she desires to be acknowledged. She has a joy for life. She loves to dance,sing and write. She loves to read and write poetry. She has a vivid imagination.
It is almost as if she is waiting in the wings and will soon be revealed on stage. Not that she is going to act or perform, but rather she is going to tell her story. I have a picture of her standing behind a podium and she is going to begin telling her story. I sense that she is overcome with emotion and relief that she is finally able to tell her story, that it is a safe place. She has been the "keeper of her story" for so long and now she is finally free to share it.
I was wondering what I would call her since I did not always want to refer to her as "she" and not name her. I sensed that I could call her Ann, for that is one of her/my names. She would have liked to be named Anne with an "e", because Ann seemed too short and simple. Ann was and is a vibrant young woman, She has spunk and a zest for life. Ann easily identified with Anne of Green Gables. There really is "a lot of scope for the imagination" Ann has a vivid imagination. She is able to create in the smallest detail all that she needs to create her imagined world.
Ann, outwardly plain and simple, was really "Anne" inwardly. In some ways she was like Cinderella in that she was relegated to the life of "dos" and "don'ts".There was a sense of tragedy about Ann; unrealized expectations and unfulfilled dreams; of what ifs, and if only; and what might have been.
Ann was a romantic at heart. She loved the fairytale love stories where a prince comes to save the heroine from a life of drudgery and all her dreams come true. One of Ann's favorite stories from childhood was "The Princess and the Pea". It was a rather unbelievable story in that a princess did not get a good night's sleep because there was a pea hidden under a layer of maybe one hundred or so mattresses. This proved that she was a genuine princess even though she was not dressed like one. I think that there is a longing in every young girl to be a princess. There are many things that seek to tear away at that, but then one day we discover that we are princesses, much like in the story "The Princess Diaries" . I think that I was looking for my own Prince Charming to rescue me from my tower. I thought that he was a man, yet I now realize that it is the Lord Jesus; and He is not only a Prince, but He is a King.
I sense that Jesus is standing in the wings and encouraging me. He is looking at me with eyes of love.
Those who do not have a rich inner life cannot understand its mysteries. They are unaware of the many rooms that I have in my life. Some are interconnected, while others are like secret inner chambers that can only be discovered by taking the time to pass through many corridors, twists and turns. I have described it as "the attic of my life" That was where I stored my various hopes, dreams and loves. That is where I will take you. I have taken some of my past loves and desires, and blown off the dust and cobwebs. I have brought some of them into my present life. I used to visit my attic from time to time and wish that I could have these things in my life. I was sad that they were stored away, collecting dust. I did not realize that they were gifts that God had given me to be used in my life. I did not realize that He had given me those desires and abilities. I had listened to the lies of the enemy. I thought that it was God's will for it was messengers who said they were God's messengers. I did not realize that they too were imprisoned and needed the Prince to rescue them from their tower of religion.
What I sense is that now that Ann is revealed and known, she can be ministered to. Ann needs to be affirmed; her gifts, talents and abilities need to affirmed and matured. Ann needs to be taught and trained so that her abilities can be strengthened and improved. She has a lot to learn and a journey ahead to catch up.
I sense that this time in my life has been a time of makeover and transformation; strengthening and training. It is a time of preparation. I sense that I have been in a time of much concentrated teaching and learning and adjusting. The time for the "big reveal" is at hand. I am reminded of the training and transformation that happened in "The Princess Diaries". I too have had others come alongside me both spiritually and naturally.
I have the sense that Ann is being given a standing ovation. It is almost thunderous applause. There is such a deep sense of appreciation for her keeping and guarding these gifts and abilities. She stood watch and did not allow the enemy to steal them or to destroy them. She kept them alive through her memories of them. Now is the time for her to hand over these gifts, talents and abilities for me to take them to new levels and new dimensions. Ann was the guardian of these gifts, but I am the rightful owner of these gifts. They were given to me by God and He wants them to be a part of my life. There is a definite transfer and a maturing will come to each of these areas.
I can see myself behind the podium. I am accepting these gifts. "Lord, I receive and accept, and take as mine: the gifts of communication; dance; writing; imagination; and singing." I am now taking them and placing them before the altar. I am giving these gifts, strengths and abilities to God, for Him to bless them. I desire for God to use me anew and afresh in each of these areas. I desire to be balanced in every area of my life.
God has honoured these desires and prayers, and I have written about many of them in my various blog posts.