I am learning to sift out the things that God wants me to do from the things that I could do. It is funny how I have things I can do, yet I still long for the “big thing”. I know that life is made up of many little things. My first priority is to my family and my home, then to others. Of course God is first, but I am to serve God first by serving my family and then others. I am not to feel pressured to do everything that comes along.
In thinking about the pressure I feel about taking part in certain things, I see the root of the compulsion that drives me or condemns me is part of the past legalism and wanting to be well-thought-of and not ill-thought-of. Sometimes others have great expectations of us to do for them beyond what we are comfortable with or are capable. I need to give the burdens of others to God and not take any ownership of always having to do something. As I was praying about what God wanted me to do I sensed God saying “My sheep hear my voice and follow Me.” I need to follow what God wants me to do.
As I was lying in bed I had the thought “I want to do great things for God”. God then said to “remove ‘for God’ and what do you have? “ “I want to do great things”. I sensed God saying that often we have great aspirations, or aspiration to greatness, and we try to couch it in religious terms. It is almost as if we think that we are honoring God. We can honour God through little things that go unseen by others.
These thoughts and impressions have come from my journaling over this past year. As I have read through my journal, I have noticed the many times God used me in various ways. I do not need a title or an official ministry to be able to minister to others. God is the One who has ordained me and called me to serve Him. He will provide opportunities for me to serve. I can take encouragement from the fact that I am prepared and ready to serve. I am not using my gifts on an ongoing basis, but rather sporadically as the opportunities unfold. I know that God is in control. He is the One who made me; He is the One who gave me talents and abilities. It is at His discretion that He has given me certain spiritual gifts. God knows that I desire to be used.
During an evening of worship I had a picture in my mind of a giant hand at my side. I had thought that God had been preventing me from going somewhere or doing something, but through this picture I saw that God wanted to direct me where to go. His hand was protecting me and directing me. It was not as a hand in the stop position. I then realized that God did have a plan and I was walking in His plan. The desires I have deep inside are the fuel that gives me the desire or motivation to do what God has called me to do. I cannot make anything happen; I need to rely solely on God. Later, God impressed on my heart and spirit that He can and will direct if the “call” needs to come from someone rather than me volunteering on my own. My obedience to God’s call is either proactive by stepping out and volunteering to do something; or submissive by responding to requests to do something. I don’t need to be burdened by a desire to do something big for God; or be involved in some great purpose. God’s purpose for my life will be fulfilled and is being fulfilled.