This Monday will be the Canadian Thanksgiving and I was thinking about some of the "things" that I am thankful for.
Treasured memories
Healing from cancer
Answered prayer
Neighbours who care
Kindness of others
Sisters by birth and friendship
God's faithfulness
Increasing energy
Valleys where God is present
Increasing strength
New hair
Good reports from my doctors
"Come, let us sing to the Lord! Let us give a joyous shout to the rock of our salvation! Let us come before him with thanksgiving. Let us sing him psalms of praise." Psalm 95:1,2 (NLT)
"Enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and bless his name. For the Lord is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation." Psalm 100:4,5 (NLT)
Friday, 10 October 2008
Tuesday, 7 October 2008
Significant Events
A lot has happened since I last posted an update here.
I was interviewed by one of our local papers to tell my story about being diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I willingly agreed in the hope that it would help others be diagnosed sooner. What I had not considered was that they would also want a photo of me to accompany the article. I decided to submit one from before I was diagnosed so people who knew me would recognize me. At the present I do not look like I did in that picture. I am now glad that I chose that photograph because I can walk freely in town without feeling self-conscious around people I do not know.
My hair is now longer and finally looks like a hairstyle that I have chosen! I have had it trimmed in order to give a more flattering shape as it continues to grow. My hair is quite curly, especially at the top of my head. I have heard that this is not unusual after chemotherapy. I like the ease of care; just wash and go, although I often use a pick comb to fluff it out.
I recently took part in the 5 km Winners mini-walk of Hope in Aurora. This was a walk that my sisters had organized in support of Ovarian Cancer Canada. A year ago I was unable to attend the first mini-walk as I was too ill. It was a significant event for me to be able to walk the route knowing that I was now healed from ovarian cancer.
Next year I hope to walk in the national Winners Walk of Hope, which takes place in Sunnybrook Park in Toronto. I had my surgery at Sunnybrook hospital, which is near there, so I think that taking part in the national walk will also be a significant event.
Another significant event in my life is my involvement as a discussion leader in a ladies' Bible study in town. I will write about this in another post as the topic, "Walking By Faith: Lessons Learned in the Dark", is quite significant in light of my recent journey of dealing with ovarian cancer.
http://www.ovariancanada.org/
I was interviewed by one of our local papers to tell my story about being diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I willingly agreed in the hope that it would help others be diagnosed sooner. What I had not considered was that they would also want a photo of me to accompany the article. I decided to submit one from before I was diagnosed so people who knew me would recognize me. At the present I do not look like I did in that picture. I am now glad that I chose that photograph because I can walk freely in town without feeling self-conscious around people I do not know.
My hair is now longer and finally looks like a hairstyle that I have chosen! I have had it trimmed in order to give a more flattering shape as it continues to grow. My hair is quite curly, especially at the top of my head. I have heard that this is not unusual after chemotherapy. I like the ease of care; just wash and go, although I often use a pick comb to fluff it out.
I recently took part in the 5 km Winners mini-walk of Hope in Aurora. This was a walk that my sisters had organized in support of Ovarian Cancer Canada. A year ago I was unable to attend the first mini-walk as I was too ill. It was a significant event for me to be able to walk the route knowing that I was now healed from ovarian cancer.
Next year I hope to walk in the national Winners Walk of Hope, which takes place in Sunnybrook Park in Toronto. I had my surgery at Sunnybrook hospital, which is near there, so I think that taking part in the national walk will also be a significant event.
Another significant event in my life is my involvement as a discussion leader in a ladies' Bible study in town. I will write about this in another post as the topic, "Walking By Faith: Lessons Learned in the Dark", is quite significant in light of my recent journey of dealing with ovarian cancer.
http://www.ovariancanada.org/
Saturday, 20 September 2008
The Journey Out Of The Desert
I had written about my desire to be involved with young moms, and my desire to be a part of the Moms to Moms group that was just starting up. I know and desire to uphold the scriptural injunction for older women to teach the younger women to love their husband and children, yet I sensed that was not what God wanted me to be actively involved in at this time.
What I sense in my spirit is that God is leading me out of the desert. I am walking out; it is a journey. During my time in the desert I was "hidden away", but now that that time is over God wants the journey out of the desert to be a shared journey.
Every person's desert has its own individual purpose; that is where God molds and shapes us. The journey out of the desert is where we bring with us all that we have learned and experienced in order to apply it to the new situations we shall face.
God has not forgotten me. He has a plan and a purpose for my life. He is the One who is bringing to light what He wants revealed. My life is in His hands.
What I sense in my spirit is that God is leading me out of the desert. I am walking out; it is a journey. During my time in the desert I was "hidden away", but now that that time is over God wants the journey out of the desert to be a shared journey.
Every person's desert has its own individual purpose; that is where God molds and shapes us. The journey out of the desert is where we bring with us all that we have learned and experienced in order to apply it to the new situations we shall face.
God has not forgotten me. He has a plan and a purpose for my life. He is the One who is bringing to light what He wants revealed. My life is in His hands.
Saturday, 6 September 2008
New Things
I have many thoughts swirling around in my head. There were two life-altering events that happened at this time of year; one being when I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. At first, I thought it odd that both of these events happened around my anniversary and my birthday. Anniversaries and birthdays represent new life, while these events were either the death of some things or the potential of death. Maybe the significance of the timing had to do with the birth of a new life; a new way of doing things; a new outlook; and new ventures.
I know that God is leading me, one step at a time. I have had a growing desire to connect with some younger moms. That is why I have chosen to attend the Thursday morning Bible study at The Hub. When I heard about the Moms To Moms program my heart leapt at this "window of opportunity" to be involved with younger moms. I do not know what this will lead to, but I know that God is "doing a new thing" in my life and He is "making a way in the desert".
"See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare, before they spring into being I announce them to you." Isaiah 42:9 (NIV)
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18,19 (NIV)
I know that God is leading me, one step at a time. I have had a growing desire to connect with some younger moms. That is why I have chosen to attend the Thursday morning Bible study at The Hub. When I heard about the Moms To Moms program my heart leapt at this "window of opportunity" to be involved with younger moms. I do not know what this will lead to, but I know that God is "doing a new thing" in my life and He is "making a way in the desert".
"See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare, before they spring into being I announce them to you." Isaiah 42:9 (NIV)
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18,19 (NIV)
Monday, 1 September 2008
Turning Up The Volume
(This is a continuation of my story of finally being correctly diagnosed with ovarian cancer)
The bowel specialist in Orillia stated that the initial results of the CAT scan showed a spot on the liver and a tumour on the ovaries. After talking with the gynecologist on staff, they both felt that I would be better cared for by a local gynecologist since I lived closer to Toronto hospitals. We were given a CD of the results and my husband took it to my family doctor after we returned home. My doctor then obtained the written results the next day, and we met with her the following day (Wednesday) to discuss the findings. By this time I was very uncomfortable and I was having trouble breathing. My husband insisted that something be done for me. My doctor arranged for me to go to Emergency at Southlake and the chief internist would examine me there.
Once in the Emergency room I was given a cardiogram; and they took blood and urine samples. After the specialist examined me and had drained the fluid, he informed me that he was going to admit me to the hospital. He said that they were going to send some of the fluid away for testing and he wanted to do some more tests while we waited for the results. He told me that they were not going to send me home until they not only discovered what was causing this, but also began the appropriate treatment.
There were not any beds available so I slept in the Emergency room on a stretcher. In the morning I was taken for a chest x-ray and another abdominal CAT scan; a more accurate picture of what was going on would be seen since I no longer had all that fluid. The initial findings of the fluid testing showed that it was inflammatory fluid as opposed to being secreted by my liver or any other organ. This information,along with the results of the CAT scan and blood tests, helped to narrow down my diagnosis.
I was visited by a nursing assistant from the oncology department and informed that I did have a tumour on my ovary. She talked in general terms and I did not expect that it would be serious; I thought that it might be only stage I ovarian cancer. I asked her for information regarding ovarian cancer since I had never heard of it before that day.
Later that evening, before my husband returned for a visit, the oncologist came and informed me that I had stage III ovarian cancer and that I would need to have my ovaries removed as well as a hysterectomy. She told me that I needed chemotherapy and that I would lose my hair. The oncologist informed me that I would have an appointment with a gynecol/oncologist at Sunnybrook in Toronto to determine the plan of action regarding the timing of surgery and the chemotherapy treatments. I was transported to and from the appointment at Sunnybrook in an ambulance since I was still a patient at Southlake. My husband and I met with the surgeon on a Wednesday, two weeks after I was first admitted to Southlake, and I began chemotherapy the next day as an inpatient. I was then released from the hospital the next day and I had the remainder of my chemotherapy treatments as an outpatient.
http://www.ovariancanada.org/
The bowel specialist in Orillia stated that the initial results of the CAT scan showed a spot on the liver and a tumour on the ovaries. After talking with the gynecologist on staff, they both felt that I would be better cared for by a local gynecologist since I lived closer to Toronto hospitals. We were given a CD of the results and my husband took it to my family doctor after we returned home. My doctor then obtained the written results the next day, and we met with her the following day (Wednesday) to discuss the findings. By this time I was very uncomfortable and I was having trouble breathing. My husband insisted that something be done for me. My doctor arranged for me to go to Emergency at Southlake and the chief internist would examine me there.
Once in the Emergency room I was given a cardiogram; and they took blood and urine samples. After the specialist examined me and had drained the fluid, he informed me that he was going to admit me to the hospital. He said that they were going to send some of the fluid away for testing and he wanted to do some more tests while we waited for the results. He told me that they were not going to send me home until they not only discovered what was causing this, but also began the appropriate treatment.
There were not any beds available so I slept in the Emergency room on a stretcher. In the morning I was taken for a chest x-ray and another abdominal CAT scan; a more accurate picture of what was going on would be seen since I no longer had all that fluid. The initial findings of the fluid testing showed that it was inflammatory fluid as opposed to being secreted by my liver or any other organ. This information,along with the results of the CAT scan and blood tests, helped to narrow down my diagnosis.
I was visited by a nursing assistant from the oncology department and informed that I did have a tumour on my ovary. She talked in general terms and I did not expect that it would be serious; I thought that it might be only stage I ovarian cancer. I asked her for information regarding ovarian cancer since I had never heard of it before that day.
Later that evening, before my husband returned for a visit, the oncologist came and informed me that I had stage III ovarian cancer and that I would need to have my ovaries removed as well as a hysterectomy. She told me that I needed chemotherapy and that I would lose my hair. The oncologist informed me that I would have an appointment with a gynecol/oncologist at Sunnybrook in Toronto to determine the plan of action regarding the timing of surgery and the chemotherapy treatments. I was transported to and from the appointment at Sunnybrook in an ambulance since I was still a patient at Southlake. My husband and I met with the surgeon on a Wednesday, two weeks after I was first admitted to Southlake, and I began chemotherapy the next day as an inpatient. I was then released from the hospital the next day and I had the remainder of my chemotherapy treatments as an outpatient.
http://www.ovariancanada.org/
Tuesday, 26 August 2008
"Chasing The Natural"
I recently read a quote in the July edition of Canadian Living that encapsulates this new season of my life. "...If you chase the natural, it will come back full gallop, meaning don't fight who you are or what you look like - just work with it." - Frederic Fekkai (page 33, Style, Canadian Living July 2008)
I now have a full head of hair, meaning my scalp is no longer visible. As my hair has filled in, I have discovered that it is quite curly. My hair has always had a natural wave, but I did not know that it could be this curly as I have never had my hair this short. The back of my head is the waviest and I often like to run my hand over it. I am not yet used to how it feels since it is in layers. So far the maintenance is rather easy; I just wash and towel dry my my hair; then I smooth down the hairs that stick up. I have started to develop "wings" at the sides so I might need to have them trimmed soon.
I am so glad that I "took the plunge" and went wig-free early on; it was liberating. Many people have complimented me on my wig, which helped me to not feel self-conscious about wearing it. Occasionally there were times that I felt uncomfortable when someone insisted that I should wear my hair like my wig when it grew back because it suited me so well. When I had replied that I was not sure if I could, since my hair has a natural wave, they stated that there are hairdressers who can overcome that.
I like how my hair looks, but I am not used to seeing myself looking like that. One evening I mentioned to my husband that I did not think that I looked like "me" and asked if he agreed. He replied, "I hardly recognize you!". I knew he was joking so I asked what he really thought. He said that I have not looked like "me" for a long time and that he has gotten used to it. He said that he thought my hair looked good and that it suited me. My daughter said that it is "the new me".
I now have a full head of hair, meaning my scalp is no longer visible. As my hair has filled in, I have discovered that it is quite curly. My hair has always had a natural wave, but I did not know that it could be this curly as I have never had my hair this short. The back of my head is the waviest and I often like to run my hand over it. I am not yet used to how it feels since it is in layers. So far the maintenance is rather easy; I just wash and towel dry my my hair; then I smooth down the hairs that stick up. I have started to develop "wings" at the sides so I might need to have them trimmed soon.
I am so glad that I "took the plunge" and went wig-free early on; it was liberating. Many people have complimented me on my wig, which helped me to not feel self-conscious about wearing it. Occasionally there were times that I felt uncomfortable when someone insisted that I should wear my hair like my wig when it grew back because it suited me so well. When I had replied that I was not sure if I could, since my hair has a natural wave, they stated that there are hairdressers who can overcome that.
I like how my hair looks, but I am not used to seeing myself looking like that. One evening I mentioned to my husband that I did not think that I looked like "me" and asked if he agreed. He replied, "I hardly recognize you!". I knew he was joking so I asked what he really thought. He said that I have not looked like "me" for a long time and that he has gotten used to it. He said that he thought my hair looked good and that it suited me. My daughter said that it is "the new me".
Saturday, 23 August 2008
Trusting In God
(I am not going to finish telling my journey until I process what I have written thus far. It is not a "quick fix" "get it out there...now that's done" kind of thing.)
I had asked God what He wants me to do; what burden or passion does He want to lay on my heart? It came to mind that I have been asked to be a discussion leader for a new Bible study. I would have to rely on God. I know that I am gifted with the ability to lead such a group; it is the topic, "Walking By Faith: Lessons Learned In The Dark", that causes me to hesitate.
I am still weak from the trauma of having had ovarian cancer; I need to lean on God. I do not want to "hurry" my recovery by suppressing things that need to be healed. Yet God is able to heal me as I walk through this study with Him. I was thinking about why I might be hesitant to lead a discussion group; "fear" came to mind; "loss of control" or "no control" over what might surface. God is in control. I need to surrender my fear to Him and give Him control over what might or might not surface.
When I asked God why I cannot know more- have a 5-year plan say, He asked me if I would have danced in Unionville had known I would be diagnosed with ovarian cancer a month later. No, I would not have. I would have been worried and very concerned. I would not have been able to concentrate on what God wanted me to take part in if I was thinking about what was to come. It is not that God is just shielding me from any unforeseen future trouble, but also that He wants me to occupy myself with what is "at hand". I can only do one thing at a time.
God is directing me to those things that He wants as a part of my life at this time. An example of this took place this past Sunday morning. As our pastor was closing off his message, he reminded the congregation that if anyone desired to have prayer they could come and sit in the front row and someone would come and pray with them. I am a member of the prayer team so I looked to see if anyone had come for prayer that God would want me to pray for. A new lady came forward and sat at the front; I waited a minute to see if one of the other team members was going to pray for her and then I went to her. After talking with her, I was able to lead her in a prayer for salvation. God used me in spite of my weakness.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths." Proverbs 3: 5,6 (NLT)
I had asked God what He wants me to do; what burden or passion does He want to lay on my heart? It came to mind that I have been asked to be a discussion leader for a new Bible study. I would have to rely on God. I know that I am gifted with the ability to lead such a group; it is the topic, "Walking By Faith: Lessons Learned In The Dark", that causes me to hesitate.
I am still weak from the trauma of having had ovarian cancer; I need to lean on God. I do not want to "hurry" my recovery by suppressing things that need to be healed. Yet God is able to heal me as I walk through this study with Him. I was thinking about why I might be hesitant to lead a discussion group; "fear" came to mind; "loss of control" or "no control" over what might surface. God is in control. I need to surrender my fear to Him and give Him control over what might or might not surface.
When I asked God why I cannot know more- have a 5-year plan say, He asked me if I would have danced in Unionville had known I would be diagnosed with ovarian cancer a month later. No, I would not have. I would have been worried and very concerned. I would not have been able to concentrate on what God wanted me to take part in if I was thinking about what was to come. It is not that God is just shielding me from any unforeseen future trouble, but also that He wants me to occupy myself with what is "at hand". I can only do one thing at a time.
God is directing me to those things that He wants as a part of my life at this time. An example of this took place this past Sunday morning. As our pastor was closing off his message, he reminded the congregation that if anyone desired to have prayer they could come and sit in the front row and someone would come and pray with them. I am a member of the prayer team so I looked to see if anyone had come for prayer that God would want me to pray for. A new lady came forward and sat at the front; I waited a minute to see if one of the other team members was going to pray for her and then I went to her. After talking with her, I was able to lead her in a prayer for salvation. God used me in spite of my weakness.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths." Proverbs 3: 5,6 (NLT)
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