Evolving Hairstyle

When my hair was so curly it needed to be trimmed on a regular basis. Initially the curls just got bigger as my hair grew and they would stick out. There were times before a needed haircut when I thought the long "wings" resembled a clown's hairstyle!

Now that the curls have relaxed to waves, I have started growing my hair into a bob. My daughter Joy has frequently trimmed my hair to eliminate the layers. Sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I think I would fit right in with the "Fab Four" 1960's Beatles!

I can have different looks depending on the weather. On days that have humidity in the air, my hair will again be curlier than on cool dry days. Sometimes the waves feather back to give me more of a 1970's hairstyle!

When my hair has finally reached the desired length I will go to the salon where Joy is a hairdresser. I will want her to shape the bob into a flattering modern hairstyle. There are days that I get frustrated with my hair at this in-between stage and I feel like getting it layered again. Joy reassures me that the growing out of layers will be worth it and I again look forward to the resulting hairstyle.

Remembrance Day

Ready
Experienced
Men and Women
Engaged in combat
Medals
Bravery
Reliable
Available
New recruits
Committed
Endurance

Dedicated
Armed Forces
Young and old

Autumn Reflections

Autumn is a season that teases:

it is mild and sunny;

then cold and dreary.

Summer revisits and gives us balmy days.

Winter makes an early call,

to prepare us for what is to come.

Flowers still bloom,

until they are killed by the frost.

Birds of all kinds come to our feeders.

Squirrels take their turn,

until they are scared away by our dog.

A Victorian Birthday Tea

A year ago I had emailed my sisters the idea of having a birthday tea for my fiftieth birthday. I was so overjoyed at having survived ovarian cancer, that I wanted this birthday to be a special celebration. I wanted to celebrate with the women and girls who have been a part of my life. I left the details up to my sisters, Gayle and Brenda, knowing they would have some good ideas.

As the day grew closer I started to worry about where Gayle was going to put all the women if it rained, so I hoped and prayed for good weather. The other worry was what she was going to do with her large dog. When I inquired about the dog I was told not to worry and "Don't ask any questions".
My mom and daughter Joy went on ahead to help Gayle and Brenda set up and greet the guests. My husband Dan and I were to arrive at 2:15 PM, which would give the guests time to arrive before me. As we were driving south to Aurora, I questioned why we had not turned to go our usual way to Gayle's. Dan answered that we would go this other way so we would not arrive too early. I then said maybe we should not have left so soon.

Once we arrived in Aurora, Dan slowed the car and stopped in front of Hillary House and said I was to get out there. Hillary House is a Victorian home that is owned by the local historical society. There were yellow balloons lining the walkway, and two young women came out of the house to greet me. I walked in the door and Gayle called out to me "Come up here". I was overwhelmed with emotion when I entered the room and saw everyone sitting at tables. I started to cry and I exclaimed that I was glad that I had not worn mascara! I was so surprised; it was definitely more than I had even hoped or imagined!

There were four tables of friends, and relatives. My sisters-in-law, nieces, aunt and female cousins, along with our young great-nephew joined in the celebration. All sides of the family were represented, which was special since family is important to me. There were friends from my former church, St. Paul's Presbyterian in Nobleton; women who I had served alongside. Our children used to play together while we mothers shared our trials and triumphs of raising young children. Also there were friends from my present church, Bradford Baptist; women who have prayed with me and for me on my journey of overcoming ovarian cancer. There were other friends too, including someone I have known for over 30 years.
The tables were set with white tablecloths; matching china teacups and saucers; and glass plates. In the centre of each table was a small vase with two sunflowers, which are the symbol of Ovarian Cancer Canada. A small photo album was on each table, so the women could catch a glimpse of different seasons of my life, including my journey of overcoming ovarian cancer.
My mom introduced herself, my sisters Gayle and Brenda, and my daughter Joy; and then prayed a blessing on our food and time together. We started off with punch and dainty sandwiches, sweet pickles, celery sticks and fancy-cut carrot sticks.
Gayle asked for the ladies' attention while she, Joy and Brenda shared some tea related thoughts. My sisters then shared how different teas reflect my qualities or quirks:
" Country peach passion: The name itself brings to mind your passion for God that keeps ripening. Your faith through the last 2 years especially is an inspiration to us."
"Wild Raspberry: A lightly sweet and fragrant blend...like wild raspberry tea, your life is a sweet blend of family, church, community, friends and personal time."
"Green tea: Simply 100% pure and natural...like green tea, you find refreshment in simple and pure experiences such as baking, homemaking, writing and dancing."
"Mint refresher" a cool, invigorating beverage... like this tea, you embraced the idea of getting fit through invigorating walks and workouts at Curves"
"Earl Grey: a favourite in North America and Britain...Debbie likes Pride and Prejudice (the movie and the book) so much she must have a higher content of British blood in her than the rest of us!"
"Orange Pekoe: Tetley, there's nothing quite like it...Debbie, there's no one quite like you!"

The tea theme continued with a "Fabulous Fifty" scrapbook containing teacup shaped memories, scriptures or words of encouragement that each of the ladies had filled out ahead of time. My sisters had also bought an ivory teapot that everyone signed with indelible ink.

I thanked the ladies for coming and expressed my joy of not only reaching this milestone but also of being healthy. Everyone clapped and I did too; it was an automatic response. I was so full of joy!

We then had our dessert of squares; mini butter tarts; and cookies, along with tea or coffee. I moved about from table to table visiting with as many people as I could. I was overwhelmed to have so many friends and loved ones in the same room, all there to celebrate my 50th birthday. This truly was a birthday to remember.

Simple Praise

"I will sing to the Lord because he has been so good to me." Psalm 13:6 (NLT)

This verse stood out on account of its simplicity.

• God has been so good to me, therefore I will sing to Him.
• It is a natural outflow from a grateful heart.
• It is very personal because the goodness of God has been directed towards me as an individual.
• The response wells up from within me to sing forth praise to the Lord.
• There are no requirements or restrictions as to time or place or positioning
• I can sit; stand; kneel; lie on my bed
• I can be alone or in the company of others
• It can be first thing in the morning; midday; evening; or in the middle of the night

What a simple way to thank God for the good things He has done for me!

Life Goes On

"Life goes on" can be said with a heavy heart that is burdened with cares; but I choose to say "Life goes on" as a declaration of praise! I recently had another 6 month checkup with the oncologist. My CA 125 count is 7 (normal is 0 - 35); it was originally 4095 when I was diagnosed with Stage 3 ovarian cancer in September 2007. My next followup appointment with be in January 2010.

It is as if I have re-entered my life anew as a wife, mother and homemaker. I have a greater desire to live my life in a purposeful and organized manner. I want to rid my home of the unnecessary items that can accumulate over time. By nature I am a pack rat, but that is due to my desire to be prepared for any eventuality that could possibly occur!

These are some of the ways that I have culled; organized; and made use of things:

• chest freezer: multiple bags of bread crusts - made into bread crumbs; frozen berries- used to make smoothies; questionable leftovers - discarded in green bin; multiple bags of pizza dough scraps - made into two large pizzas

• canned goods, dry goods and other ingredients on hand - used to create meals and baked goods

• bags of donated fabric: Christmas fabric I won't make use of - donated to a seniors' centre craft program; I discovered a baby's cloth book pattern - I will make it for a gift, using my cache of sewing notions

There are still areas to go over and items to cull, but since "Life goes on" I will have the time and ability to do that.

Be Faithful

"Be faithful. Don't compare yourself with the efforts of others." God spoke these words to my heart. It is easy for me to get discouraged if I compare myself with others who are more gifted than me in certain areas. In some areas of my life I have been given a lot, while in other areas I have only been given a little. I need to be faithful to use the "little", as well as be faithful to use the "lot".

These are the words that came to mind when I thought about what it means to be faithful.

Fervent
Available
Involved
Truthful
Holy
Focused
Undivided
Loving

"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." Luke 16:10 (NIV)

Mementos of Hope

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12 (NIV)

Recently, I noticed again the many mementos of "Hope" that others had given me while I was undergoing treatment for ovarian cancer. My mind went back to the times when hope was needed to carry me through and to continue trusting in God for healing.

My sisters had designed a beige baseball cap with the word "Hope" embroidered on it for the first "mini-walk of hope" they had organized. The "O" is a stylized sunflower, which is the symbol of Ovarian Cancer Canada. http://www.ovariancanada.org/ I now wear this hat when I do yard work.

At the suggestion of a blog reader, my sisters had contacted "The Lydia Project" and arranged for them to send me one of their bags. Mine is a small fabric bag with the word "Hope" embroidered on it. It contained many items including words of hope and encouragement. http://www.thelydiaproject.org/ I now use this bag to carry my shoes and water bottle to "Curves".

A friend gave me an angel figurine by "Eden's Angels" called "Hope"; her arms are folded against her chest as in prayer. I have this figurine displayed in my living room along with another angel called "Freedom", which she gave me the day after I finished my treatments.

I have a white t-shirt with the word Hope on it, which was from the first "mini-walk of hope" that my sisters had organized. I also have a yellow t-shirt with the same symbol on it from last year's "mini-walk of hope". I now wear these t-shirts when I exercise at "Curves".

When I was again hospitalized this past fall, my sister gave me her "Hope" word sculpture. My sisters again hoped for healing and this represented their hope for me. I now have that sculpture displayed in my living room.

I am thankful for these mementos of "Hope" for they act as reminders of the faithfulness of God.

"What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see." Hebrews 11:1 (NLT)

The Day A Goat Rode "Shotgun"

It was a late spring afternoon leading up to Easter. We were living on a hundred acre farm in a little house on a hill. We rented two of the acres including the house, while the remaining acreage was rented by farmers for cash crops. The neighbour to the north had a hundred acre farm with cattle and a dog kennel business. The neighbour across the road had an estate home on a large acreage with a horse barn and arena for English riding. The property to the south had been subdivided into four with a shared access to a private airstrip.

Two of my children were at school, while the youngest was having his afternoon nap. I was sitting in the living room when I thought I heard an animal’s cry. I opened up the front door, which we rarely used, and stepped out onto the concrete porch. I looked around, but could not see anything so I went back inside. A few minutes later I heard the sound again, but it now sounded like “baa”. I thought it was a lamb, but again there was none in sight. As I was standing on the porch I heard the cry again and it sounded like it was coming from under the porch! I went inside; got a flashlight; went back outside and looked under the porch where I saw a young goat! I was very surprised at my discovery since none of my immediate neighbours had goats!

I had hoped that I could wait until my husband came home from work since he would be able to get the goat out and take it somewhere. I was spurred to action when the young goat’s cries had become more frequent and plaintive. I remembered that there was an abattoir just down the road from us. I thought that maybe this goat had escaped from there since they would be preparing goats for Easter. I called the abattoir and explained my predicament and they said they would be right over.

I expected them to come in a pickup truck and put the goat in the cargo area. Instead they came in a large older model two-door car. One of the men moved the concrete step while the other reached in to grab the young goat. He then proceeded to walk the goat back to the car; holding its front foot in each hand, causing it to walk on its two hind feet. He then sat in the front passenger seat with the goat between his legs, still holding onto its front two feet. That was the first and only time that I saw a goat ride "shotgun"!

Trading Places?

With whom would I want to trade places? That was the April assignment for the Christian writers' group that I belong to. It could be anyone, living or dead; real or fictional. At first my mind went blank. If I had been given that assignment a few years ago, I would have had no problem coming up with multiple people, real or fictional, with whom I would have gladly traded places.

When I considered a temporary trading of places, two Mary's, from the Bible, came to mind. I would love to sit where Mary of Bethany sat, at the feet of Jesus. I have wondered what He said that captured her attention and devotion. To be the first person that Jesus appeared to after His resurrection; and to hear Him say my name with such tenderness and love, I would gladly trade places with Mary Magdalene for that experience.

I also thought about trading places with my younger self, so that I would be able to live my life in a greater level of freedom from an earlier age. I wondered what joys I could experience, had I known then who God created me to be. I no longer bemoan the past. I treasure the things God has taught me throughout my whole life; I would not trade places with anyone!

Yard Work

This morning, it was a bright sunny day that beckoned me outside. There were hundreds, if not thousands, of fir cones on our front lawn. We have a large fir tree that stands in the middle of the front lawn. It provides shade and privacy, as well as shelter for many species of birds.

I decided that I would clean up the front lawn since the grass would soon be growing. I raked the fir cones into piles and then put them in a wheelbarrow, which I then dumped in a corner of the backyard. As I was doing the various actions I was reminded of the corresponding motions I use on the exercise machines at Curves. I was glad that I had been strengthening different muscles so that I was able to do this yard work.

I worked steadily, remembering to drink some water from time to time. I also made sure that I bent my knees instead of my back when picking up the cone piles. I did "make a dent" in the amount of cones on the lawn, but I was starting to get tired; I had been working for an hour. I knew that I had reached my limit so I decided that I would rake the remainder of the fir cones another time.

Taking Off The Grave Clothes

Last night my husband Dan and I had attended a prayer meeting at our church. At the end of the prayer time when we were asked if we had anything we wanted prayer for, I said that I did. I shared with my group how it felt like I had something on me that I could not break free from as a result of having had cancer and surviving it. I was directed to a scripture that spoke of putting off the old and putting on the new. I personalized that passage and expressed my desires for freedom in a prayer. Then my husband Dan, as my spiritual authority, prayed for me.

Later that night I could not fall asleep. I tossed and turned; and thought and prayed. Finally at 1:00 am, I decided to get up and write down the thought that had come to mind: "I have taken off the grave clothes". I wanted to search the scriptures to see where there was any reference to grave clothes in the Bible.

The incident of Lazarus being raised from the dead and needing his grave clothes removed is recorded in John 11:44: "The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, 'Take off the grave clothes and let him go'". (NIV)

I then searched the word 'grave' to see if there was a scripture that I could apply to my life regarding this word. In Psalm 49:15, the psalmist writes: "But God will redeem my life from the grave; he will surely take me to himself". (NIV)

There was a cross reference to Psalm 56:13 which states: "For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling that I may walk before God in the light of life." (NIV)

I decided to look up the scripture references to the phrase "the light of life" which is translated "the land of the living" in the following two references.

"Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living." Psalm 116:7-9 (NIV)

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord". Psalm 27:13, 14 (NIV)

I believe that the thought that came to mind in the middle of the night, "I have taken off the grave clothes" was a direct answer to those prayers for me.

Not Recognized

Yesterday I was at a funeral for the founder of my husband's place of employment, where he has worked for almost twenty years. I saw some of Dan's co-workers there that I knew, but they did not recognize me or acknowledge me. They were used to seeing me how I looked before I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I did approach one of them, who is also the wife of a close colleague of Dan's. While she expressed surprise and hadn't recognized me, she also said it was good to see me. I could have gone to Dan's workplace for the reception afterwards, but I chose not to. Dan would not have been able to devote his time to stay by my side and re-introduce me to every colleague or client that I knew. It would have been too emotionally taxing for me to have to do this myself.

I am now used to how I look with short curly hair, but many people do not recognize me. I think that this reaction would not affect me to the degree that it does if I had only just cut my hair or permed it. Going through the experience of losing all of my hair and then having it grow in curly has been traumatic for me. I have tried to remain positive about this change, but it has had far greater consequences that I was not prepared for.

Processing

I have not blogged recently because I have been processing a lot of what I have been through with having overcome ovarian cancer last year. Two weeks ago I had my routine follow-up appointment with my oncologist. My CA 125 blood count is well within the normal range and there is no change with my lymph nodes or abdomen. At the end of this month it will have been one year since I had my last chemotherapy treatment. Therefore, I won't need to see the oncologist until six months later instead of the previous schedule of every three months. This was cause for rejoicing and it brought much relief to my family, our friends, and me.

I am a small group discussion leader for the new Bible study on the book of Esther. Often I am in awe of God's timing in how the Bible studies I am involved in are so appropriate to what I am going through in my life. Last week during our discussion time about our responses to the world's standards of beauty, someone mentioned that it must have been hard for me when I had lost my hair. I was able to share some of my feelings about the trauma of having no eyelashes or eyebrows and being completely bald. When I got home from the study I was so exhausted that I had a nap; it took a lot out of me emotionally. I know that God wants to heal my emotions and I believe that He is using this study as part of that process.

Tickled Pink!

This morning, as I was deciding what to wear today, I thought "I feel pink today". I chose my pink turtleneck top; pink earrings; and grey socks with pink polka dots. As I looked at myself in the mirror, taking in my overall appearance including my nail polish, I thought "I am perfectly content with how I look; I am tickled pink!".

I decided to look up the meaning of the phrase "tickled pink: thoroughly delighted or amused; elated" and I saw it was indeed appropriate. I have been transformed; it is like an extreme makeover, yet much of it has been gradual. I now wear earrings on a regular basis. My hair is now short and curly; that is how it has come in after the chemo. I have a membership at Curves and I am now doing two circuits. I have noticed a difference as my muscle strength has increased and I have lost inches.

I am also occasionally wearing nail polish on my fingernails. That may sound either frivolous or ordinary, but it is another form of restoration of my self-expression. When I was a young teenager I was given nail polish by a family friend, who was a salesman. It was a collection in every colour and shade; from yellow, orange, blue, green, to pink, purple, red, black and white. There were probably twenty colours in all. I would co-ordinate my nail colour with what I was wearing.

I know that God has restored my self-expression that was buried so many years ago; that is why I can say that I am "tickled pink!".

Enthusiastic Exercising

Monday night, just before dinner, I went to Curves. I had only gone sporadically during the Christmas holidays and I wanted to get back into a regular routine.

As I went around the circuit, while doing an exercise that targets the arms, I thought about how far I have come since a year ago January. Thankfulness to God welled up inside me as I "pumped" my arms back and forth in time to the music. I was feeling good, so I decided to do the complete workout of two and a half circuits; usually I had only been doing two circuits.


Later, at home, I carried upstairs a heavy laundry basket that was filled with blue jeans. It was then I started to sense that I had overdone it. The next morning my shoulder and upper arm muscles were a bit sore. I then remembered my workout at Curves and I did some of the motions to try to figure out which exercise I might have overdone. I realized that it was the one I was doing as a "victory" exercise; I had allowed my enthusiasm, rather than common sense, to dictate the pace and intensity of my movements.


While I am stronger than I was a few months ago, I still have a ways to go. It is easy for me to overdo an activity when I am feeling strong. I need to be content with what I can accomplish, without overdoing it, as I continue to build up my strength.

Crazy Curls!

I have had my first "real" haircut and my hair is still curly! My daughter Joy is training to be a hairdresser, so I am having her practice on me. Joy has trimmed my hair quite a few times as it has grown.

I had been forewarned that not all of the hair on my head would grow in at the same pace, so I would need some sections trimmed more often than others. The hair at the crown of my head is still fairly short, while the hair around my ears and neck has had multiple trimmings. I was starting to have the makings of a "mullet" going on before the last trim!

My hair is the curliest when I first wash it. I wash my hair with shampoo for curly hair; then I scrunch my hair to help hold the curls in shape. My hair is still very soft; I have not yet used any styling gels on it. I think that soon I will need Joy to trim the hair on the top of my head; up till recently she has only needed to trim the bangs.

The photograph on my profile was taken a few months ago when the curls could first be seen. Now the hair on the top of my head is very curly; the curls go in every direction, hence the name of this post "Crazy Curls!".

A Special Friend

My journey of overcoming ovarian cancer was definitely a shared journey. While I have written about some of the people who have been a support along the way, there is a special friend, Anita, who has also played an integral part.

Anita made herself available to visit me "at the spur of the moment" when I was first in the hospital in September 2007. While I was in the hospital Anita and my daughter cleaned my house in preparation for my homecoming. Later, she accompanied me when my wig was available for fitting. Anita knew how I longed to have a "normal" life and she sought to find ways for me to have one. While my parents were away in Barbados, Anita spent the day with me as I received my final chemotherapy treatment. Another day Anita spent several hours at my home so that I would not be alone, in case I needed anything.

Anita has seen me at my lowest points and she has been a caring friend. I know that she has prayed for me as well. For my birthday Anita gave me a photo album and scrapbooking supplies so that I can document my journey in pictorial form. We will work on it together, since she has lots of scrapbooking tools. That will be a fitting way to end off our shared journey of my overcoming ovarian cancer, but it won't be the ending of our special friendship.

Persevere

I was thinking about my life experiences and how I have needed to persevere. I thought about writing an anagram for the word "persevere", but I hesitated on account of the number of "e's". As I listed the letters at the side of a page of paper, I sensed that every "E" would represent "Encouragement".

Press on
Encouragement
Remain
Steady commitment
Encouragement
Vital
Encouragement
Relentless
Encouragement

God provides the encouragement through His Word; His Spirit; and other people. God is relentless in His encouragement. We are to press on; remain; have a steady commitment; it is vital.

Final Journal Entries From 2008

In reading over my journals from 2008, there were a few more entries that I wanted to post on my blog to help "fill in the picture" of what my journey of overcoming ovarian cancer has been like.


(April 26 2008)
"I think that I am at peace with my body. I have contentment, or a sense of acceptance, and appreciation for what my body has gone through these last few months. My eyebrows and eyelashes have not yet filled in. My hair is slowly growing in on my head. It is much like after a war; there is a time needed to rebuild. It is as if my body was shell-shocked and now it is enjoying the time of peace; the assaults have stopped. It is a sense of relief to be through the treatments and all the side effects that go along with them. There are many things that I want to do, but I do not have the energy yet."

"I want to have 'beauty' and 'life' around me."


(May 20 2008)
"At times I think I am a slow learner in that I don't realize what God is trying to teach me. I have felt as if there is a 'wall' that I can't break through regarding the trauma associated with having had cancer. I was in such a weakened state; I could not bathe or dress myself; I could not do any household chore. I was dependent on others to assist me; or to run the household. I am now regaining my strength and I have gradually been increasing what I do."


"What I believe God wants me to learn is that I need to rely on Him and not on myself. I was brought to a place of dependence on others. I let down my guard and received the love and care and support they offered."


(June 5 2008)
"My hair is growing. My head is looking darker; there is no scalp showing through. I have gone outside without my wig and hat. I have driven to pick up my daughter from work without anything on my head. I found it too distracting to wear a hat while driving. I asked my husband if it looks like I just got my hair cut really short; he said 'no it looks shorter' than that! I was hoping that it would look stylish and not that I am recovering from chemo."

(June 7 2008)
"I am still 'hurting' from having had ovarian cancer. I need time to recover from the trauma. It affected me mentally, emotionally and physically."


"I am an individual. My life and my experiences as well as my responses are unique."


(June 9 2008)
"Cancer is one thing that lumps people together regardless of gender; age; race; religion; tastes in music; occupation; personality etc. We often form our alliances and friendships around shared interests and complimentary personalities."


"I did not choose to have ovarian cancer. No one chooses to have any kind of cancer. I have used this blog as a means of 'getting the word out' about ovarian cancer. I do not consider that by me having had ovarian cancer that I am automatically 'enrolled' in the cause."


"My biggest struggle, throughout my experience of having cancer and undergoing treatment, was to maintain a 'normal' life and retain who I am as an individual. The cause or passion that I have as a result of my experiences is that I have a desire to help others retain who they are in spite of having cancer and undergoing treatment. I spent too many years trying out different 'hats' and not knowing who I was as an individual."


In sharing these journal entries I feel as if I am closing off one chapter of my life's story. I am looking forward to what God has in store for the next chapter in this new year!

February and March 2008 Journal Entries

I did blog a bit as I was experiencing the effects of having ovarian cancer; chemotherapy; and surgery, but there was much that remained "hidden away" in my journals. It was very traumatic and I was not always able to blog about it. Here are some more reflections; life experiences; and my spiritual journey:

(February 1 2008)
"I feel as if I have a responsibility regarding ovarian cancer. Brenda commented on my blog that I bring hope to those who have cancer and who have loved ones with cancer because I am a cancer survivor."

"It is as if having cancer was a gift. Not that it was something to be desired or asked for, but rather it set in motion the blessings and calling from God."

(February 15 2008)
"Nothing can separate me from God's love, not even cancer."

(February 17 2008)
"When I think of 'life', I think of health; satisfying work; good stable relationships; a close walk with God. 'Life' also includes trials; testings; misunderstandings; sickness; frustrations; broken relationships. When I was first diagnosed with ovarian cancer, that did not fit in with my idea of what 'life' should be like. Joy said that when she first found out she said to God, 'How do I do life with this?' A diagnosis of cancer did not fit into our 'life' that we were used to experiencing."

(March 1 2008)
"Spring is coming!"

"I am doing quite well considering I had chemo three days ago. I think that part of it is that I am finished. I have completed the treatments and I won't ever have to have them again! It is such a sense of relief. I am tired though."

(March 2 2008)
"I need to 'feed' my soul during this winter season of my life."

(March 12 2008)
I had struggled at times with the fear of dying, and Jesus gave me victory over that fear. I am so grateful that He died in my place and broke not only the power of death, but also the power of the fear of dying."

(March 14 2008)
"At times I get overwhelmed by the fact that I had ovarian cancer and I have survived it. I am alive!"

"I sat there, receiving chemo, for about seven hours at a time; every three weeks; for six rounds of treatment. While that only amounts to a week that some people put in at their job, some of the effects of the treatment lasted for over two weeks; giving me only one short week to enjoy life before having another chemo treatment. I have not yet reached the third week after my final treatment. I am still on the road to recovery. I know that I will regain my strength as my body continues to heal from the trauma of having had cancer, chemo and surgery."

"Outwardly I am healing. My stomach/abdominal muscles are no longer sore....Inwardly I am still processing. I am grieving; emotionally weary."

(March 30 2008)
"I have wanted to "get on with life". but this is a part of life. I am not the only person who has ever faced ovarian cancer, specifically, or adversity, in general."

What I have noticed, in reading over my blog posts from February and March 2008, is that there were things I blogged about that I had not recorded in my journals. I have copied my blog posts into Word documents and saved them on a jump drive. I hope one day to compile both my journal entries and blog posts into one record of my journey of overcoming ovarian cancer.

My New Year's Resolutions

Remember
Experience
Serve
Obey
Love
Understand
Trust
Interact
Overcome
Neaten
Strive

Remember what the Lord has done for me.
Experience all that God has in store for me.
Serve others in practical ways.
Obey the Holy Spirit's leading.
Love others.
Understand what God's will is for me.
Trust the Lord, even when I do not understand.
Interact with others in a meaningful way.
Overcome any difficulties that I confront.
Neaten my home.
Strive to be who God created me to be.