I had been wanting to know what my passion or purpose was. I was wanting to have a specific focus or area that I would be burdened and passionate about. There were areas that I could serve. I could possibly volunteer at Mercy House, but every time I went to fill out the form I couldn't get anywhere; my heart wasn't in it and I didn't feel that this was "it". The Bible Studies were starting up at the Hub and I was going to be able to attend one during the day. There was the opportunity to be a discussion leader for the study. I started to make inquiries, but I was not excited about it.
I found this all strange, here were two opportunities I could use my gifts, talents, abilities and passions and yet I didn't sense a "go forward" from God. It seemed as if God was silent.
I received the answer to the reason for God's silence on these cries of my heart. They were not the things He wanted to answer right now. I needed to focus my attention on healing, health and wholeness and not doing anything ministry wise.
When I received my diagnosis of ovarian cancer I was thankful that God had not answered those cries for a passion and purpose for ministry. I was in no state to even consider such ministry as my time would be focused on undergoing treatment and coming through this time victoriously.
God's word to me during this whole time has been "Wait and Trust". I know that God has good plans plans for my life. I have been encouraged through His word and other people.
"I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done". Psalm 118: 17 (NIV)
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