It's official - I am losing my hair again; the telltale evidence is on my pillowcase. I think that the main issue that I struggle with concerning my hair loss is that I don't look or feel like me. Hair really does help define our individuality and personality. I think that is why so much money is spent on hair products. I have noticed since being diagnosed with ovarian cancer and experiencing hair loss, I have become more purposeful in my choice of clothes, hats and earrings. I try various combinations to reflect the mood I am in. When I am feeling healthy I take great care in what I wear, but on days I am merely just coping I dress in the most comfortable clothes and don't even bother to put on earrings.
Everyone loves my wig, which is nice, but it isn't me. I don't know if I will be able to wear my hair in that style. My hair has a natural wave; the wig is always the same; straight hair mostly in place. I have a very deep "widow's peak", which I discovered as my hair started growing in. That means that when I have bangs they all clump to the centre of my forehead. Also, since my hair has a natural wave bangs only look good at a certain length and then I get "wings". When my eyebrows had fallen out I needed to use eyeliner pencil to draw or fill them in. I also needed to line my eyelids when my eyelashes had fallen out. I am not a big makeup user; I mostly go fairly natural except when I am going out somewhere. I needed to use coverup since my face had broken out as a result of the chemo. My skin was very clear in the two months I didn't have chemo. I look forward to when I will both look and feel like me. In the meantime, I want it to be said of me that my inner beauty shines through in spite of the condition of my outer beauty.
"Don't be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God." 1 Peter 3: 3,4 (NLT)
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised." Proverbs 31:30 (NLT)
3 comments:
Dear Debbie,
I feel for you. How we look matters to us. Being "ourselves" matters. I think of going to the hairdressers and coming out with a "pouffy" hair do that isn't me. Even if everyone else says it looks beautiful I can't wait to get back to my plain and simple straight and flat hair that is my own mental image of myself.
As the warm spring comes, and the green earth emerges from the cocoon of winter, so will you. "You" are there anyway, but soon you will look and feel like you again, and meanwhile may your inner beauty give you a radiance that outshines the most artful makeup.
You WILL feel and look like your old self again--but in the mean time, you ROCK (the only word that jumped into my brain!) in your bright caps, earrings, bald head, bold colours, sleek wig...!
...And your beauty really is more than skin deep!
The Lord looks on the heart and Debbie, that is your best. It is always a joy to Him and to us. One day soon we will see you, not as you were, but as you are becoming. Blessings from Mom and Dad
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