While I am rejoicing in the healing power of God, I still have to face the different losses I have experienced as a result of having had cancer. Some of my losses are temporary such as hair loss; it is starting to grow back! Others are more permanent such as loss of reproductive organs, loss of unmarred skin , and loss of a natural easement into menopause. I need to acknowledge these losses and the resulting feelings.
I must admit that I was a bit taken aback by the weariness that I have felt since coming through surgery and receiving such a positive answer to prayer. As I have mentioned previously I was holding onto God; basically just surviving; and trying to remain positive. I didn't allow myself to dwell on the losses as I was going through this experience since it would have defeated me. God has carried me.
Just as I have physical limitations as I recover from surgery, so too I have emotional limitations. My body needs to heal and I also need to heal from the trauma of having had cancer and all that that entails. I am still holding onto God and looking forward to when I will not only be strong physically, but emotionally as well.
"Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light.'" Matthew 11: 28-30 (NLT)
1 comment:
I know it must be very difficult to feel the way you do (and then to wonder why you feel that way). We all long for the day when you are feeling back to normal, when you are able to do whatever you want. But with any loss there is always a time of grieving. Remember the blog you wrote awhile back about your cancer experience coinciding with the seasons? It may still be winter but--spring is coming!
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